Mars and Venus Issues...

I was listening to Adam and Britt's radio show the other night, and was reminded again just how much people like to jump all over Adam for his opinions. Now I'll state for the record that I didn't really agree with his stance on things, but for the most part, I make the assumption (rightly or wrongly) that he says a lot of what he does to be shocking. I think he takes the controversial side of an issue, multiplies it by a thousand and uses it for the sake of entertainment.

However what genuinely shocked me was how people were talking to him. He was getting sworn at, being called a dumbass, getting callers telling him how furious they were at him. There didn't seem to be any regard for his thoughts or feelings - there was just righteous indignation.

And he pretty much took it in stride, and even fanned the flames.

That situation right there led me to formulate half a dozen different blog posts in my head. Even now, I'm not sure which one I want to go with.

The options are:

1. The fact that women seem to feel the right to tell off men when they view them as being idiots.
2. The question of how close/honest/blunt is too much? When, in a friendship, do we begin to disregard the feelings of others simply because we feel comfortable with them? And is this a privilege or a flaw in relationships?
3. Would we say things to our blog friends that we wouldn't say to our RL friends, because there's still not the in person, seeing the person's reaction aspect of it?
4. Why do people feel compelled to attack someone for one opinion that is unlike yours when, on the whole, you know what they are like, and respect their intelligence and opinions on most everything else?

OK, so I can't count.
Anyhoo...

I for one, feel so much more freedom to tell off my male friends than I do my girlfriends. But I know that it's because I don't trust, nor value my male friendships nearly as much as my female relationships. I am willing to risk my male friendship, but would not make the same risk with my girlfriends. However, that doesn't mean that telling them off is necessarily right.

I think it's a bad habit that women have - becoming nagging and condescending with men. (Yes, yes, there are exceptions) I see it in so many of my friends when I look as an outsider at their relationships with their boyfriends or husbands.

I don't know if it's because we genuinely feel superior, or that we're fighting back after generations of oppression, or if it's just a bitchiness gene that we all have. But it's so prevalent, and damaging to watch. It's one (of the hundreds) of reasons that I fear getting into a relationship. I saw my Mom treat my Dad that way, and since I was Daddy's little girl, I resented anyone being "mean" to him.

But whether it's the behaviour of the collective female unconscious or not, that doesn't make it right. That doesn't make it OK that I don't treat my male friends as well as my girlfriends. That doesn't make it OK that I heard a bunch of women who claim to be his friends calling Adam a dumbass. It doesn't make it OK that the second I see women get married they become nagging mothering bitches to their husbands.

I think that we can't allow ourselves to get too comfortable in these situations. Yes, it's tiring and hard work to constantly treat people well. We all have bad days, and we all have the right to slip up all the time. But I think the "habit" should be to be civil to one another, and not the exception.

Any thoughts?


* btw, Adam obviously doesn't need or even want me to defend him, it's not the point of this post. And I don't mean to be picking on any of the lovely people who were in the chat room last week- it was just something that I've noticed on more than one occasion, and it got me thinking.

**And clearly I chose option #1 to go with. Next time I'll address #2. I probably won't bother with #3 & 4.