Disliked

I've never really experienced what it's like to have someone strongly dislike me before.

Now of course I accept the fact that not everyone in the world likes me - that would be impossible. People who aspire to such a thing are being unrealistic.

Of course there is elementary school when little girls can be cruel. But that is just a part of growing up, and isn't something that can be taken so personally that it should haunt you. I expect that those little girls scarcely remember who I am, let alone harbouring a burning feeling of...anything.

What I mean is as an adult- being actively, horribly disliked and resented to the point where a person wishes damage and harm to you. I had never felt that before.

This weekend, I had it pointed out to me that such a person does in fact exist.

I was reminded that for all my neuroticisms and insecurities - not all people are alike.

A person once told me "It's not all about you" and I really took that to heart. It was one flippant comment that turned me into a completely different person from that moment onwards. Because really? Most things? Aren't about me.

I firmly believe that most people's actions, have very little to do with anyone else - they are firmly centred around what is best for them. Now this can often result in some very inconsiderate behaviour- but there are vast acres of difference between inconsiderate actions vs those with malicious intent.

It's why bloggers that do nothing but rant about the stupidity of others really get on my nerves. Because while people do in fact do stupid/annoying/inconsiderate things - so do they and I and all my friends. EVERYone does. Because most people do things for themselves.

But this past weekend, I had lunch with a friend who was talking to me about someone that she had lost respect for. Someone who had done something to me. Now, I had always wondered if the person in question had done the action in question (sorry for the vague), but I honestly thought that if it was her, I knew why she would have done it.

I thought that it was done out of a misunderstanding of my actions, and loyalty to someone else. And a part of me still thinks that.

But now I have doubt.

Doubt that the action may have actually been in fact malicious. That this person couldn't temper what she had heard about me with consideration for the fact that there are two sides to every story.

Doubt that this person may not just be kind of socially inept (although she really is) and may just dislike me. May be jealous of me. May actually be harbouring...some sort of bad feeling towards me.

There are a lot of people in this world that I don't care for. A co-worker who just left. The slouchy girl on the bus. My brother's ex girlfriends. Some of my former customers at my first job. But that's as far as it went- when they were right in front of me - I kind of didn't care for them.

But I always knew that I didn't really know them. That there is probably someone else in the world who loves them, and that makes them worthwhile. And while not everyone in the world is going to love everyone else - no one denies that most people on the planet are valuable. And special. And have their own reasons and points of view.

So to finally come to the realization that someone may dislike me so much as to wish me harm...

Well it takes a while for me to come to grips with that.

And one way to look at it is to be grateful that someone in this planet is willing to put that much energy into the thought of me. It's flattering in a twisted sort of way.

But not really.

Have you guys ever had someone actively dislike you? Did you deserve it? How did you cope?