Diary Excerpt From a 17 year Old After She Gives It Up

July 26, 1992

Hi, I had another turning point today. Dave and I finally did have sex (To use the term "finally" loosely- he began the pressure in the first few days of the relationship) . It was way different than I expected. For one thing, I expected a lot more pain than I got (There was still plenty of it, and blood though). In the beginning there was some and I almost changed my mind again but I kept going.

It was rather awkward because he said he wanted me on top so I could decide how deep to go and when to stop (Geez- details I have NO memory of). Then when we got that initial part over with we switched. I kind of felt like I was doing nothing. It seems like he was doing all the work (See even then I wanted give it my all - damn I'm awesome!).

Oh well (Hmm, I got over that pretty quickly didn't I?), anyways after a while there was not pain at all, but it wasn't really what I expected. I was concentrating so much on what was happening that I couldn't enjoy it as much as I should have (though I did enjoy it). (A miracle - cause really - hands up- who enjoyed their first time, honestly??)

I can see now why people can do this so often and for so long ("So long"? Hmm, he must have been better than I remembered). I still feel somewhat like a virgin though because of the condom (Good Lord, even back then I was trying to say that certain experiences "didn't count" Sorry Princess- you've been officially de-flowered). Maybe I should go on the pill so we don't have to use it. (Thank God I waited a couple of years before I discovered the crazy-making joys of the pill) I'll feel much better when it's not on. That way I'll have the full experience. I don't know, but it seems like it would be more enjoyable without it on, for both of us (Well yes- but stupid for talking that way since he had gotten his girlfriend before me pregnant).

I feel like I should feel like a different person, but I don't. It happened. I'm glad it did, but I knew that it would happen someone time soon (since he threatened to break-up with you if you didn't have sex with him soon? You're a genius.) so nothing has really changed.