On Being a Dirty Whore

You know how sometimes something irritates you, and you write a post about it- but really you're pretty much over it? Or you might even be embellishing it just for the sake of entertaining your readers?

Yeah. This isn't one of those posts. I'm genuinely hurt and irritated right now.

So remember this post? Well I briefly mentioned in there that we're in a "not talking" phase right now. I'm going to talk about one of the reasons why.

You see long after we broke up and got over the initial shock/hurt etc etc we became friendly again. We would email every Friday to talk about what happened on Grey's the night before. And I told him about my blog.

He decided to start one of his own blogs. And he didn't tell his wife. And one of his posts was about my....attributes. I wasn't really flattered. I was pretty much shocked and confused and dismayed. And guess what happened? Yup. His wife found it.

Anyhow, for the sake of his marriage, it was best that we not be friends anymore. We couldn't be friends on Facebook even. There were no more email chats. I wasn't allowed to ever comment on his blog.

* * *

Now, you've all heard about D2. He's a very good male friend. Him and I would go on the occasional trip together. We would hang out and talk about everything under the sun. We would flirt, and occasionally we had a few indiscretions. On the whole though it was pretty innocent. Neither of us wanted to date.

Occasionally D2 would have a girlfriend. I never met any of them. And when he would spend time with me, he would tell them that he was hanging out with co-workers. I couldn't figure it out. We weren't doing anything wrong. When he was with a girl I would never flirt or cuddle or anything. Yet he felt compelled to lie.

It got to the point where I would demand that he tell any girl about me the second I caught a whiff of him dating someone. I don't know if he did or not. He would never talk to me about his girlfriends at all.

* * *

Then today, I found out that someone that I considered a friend deleted me from his Facebook friends as well. When I asked why, he told me that it was because his flirting with me was inappropriate. His wife should be the only woman in his life and that he had taken it too far. It turns out that he had to delete more than one girl who thought they were his friend for the same reason.

Now I met this person through some common friends. We used to work in buildings across a parking lot from each other. We would occasionally have lunch and send the odd email or text. That was pretty much the extent of our relationship.

And yes - he would flirt. Sometimes I was a bit disturbed by the flirting. He did take it pretty far. But for the most part I would laugh it off because I knew without doubt that he absolutely loved his wife. And I also suspected that he chose his flirtations judiciously. He knew that I wouldn't ever act on it, or take it to heart. It was amusing and nothing more.

But now.

Now once again I've been removed from Facebook by yet another married man.
Now I've once again been made to feel like a home-wrecker and a whore.

Why is it that, even though I've done nothing wrong, I'm made to feel dirty? Why are there wives out there who can't stand me when I've never coveted? Why are there girlfriends out there who don't even know that I exist? Why am I some dirty little secret?

I'm not the one who's misbehaved. And yet I'm the villain in this tale. I'm the secret. I'm the one who's so easily been erased from someone's life as if I meant no more to these men than a typed word on a screen - to be deleted without thought.

It's the men who have done something wrong. And yet I feel like the dirty whore.