Monday, April 16, 2007

The Princess and the Spider

I found a spider on my ceiling today. Unfortunately I am short.

The spider was spotted in my vanity area. Perhaps it is a girl spider. From now on we will call her Charlotte. I didn't mean to take away her primping time- clearly doing nails on 8 legs must be time consuming. However, I have very strict rules about uninvited guests- especially when I suspect they might be using my make-up. Very unhygienic.

Now for all I know Charlotte has lived here longer than I have - however since (to my knowledge) she's never contributed to my mortgage payments, I felt comfortable asking her to leave.

However I also have a rule about murdering uninvited guests. I've never done it before, and it seems a bit harsh. After all, I don't use really expensive make-up...
So I was hoping to just calmly escort her out the door, and explain to her why it was that she had to vacate the premises.

She seemed reluctant to leave.

I finally gave up trying to talk her down from the ceiling- so I resorted to the next logical step: throwing things. First I tried a rubber elastic. Charlotte was unfazed. Then I tried a bracelet- but she simply scooted over. Then I got a brilliant idea: water! So I threw 2 glasses of water at her. Charlotte had the good sense to get out of the way. Unfortunately I did not.

It amazing how all sense of pacifism leaves you when you suddenly find yourself dripping wet. So, I went for my old stand-by. The vacuum. I had been reluctant to take this measure- mostly because I've had it pointed out to me that Charlotte could simply crawl out again. So I promise, if she manages to escape, and weaves a lovely web that says "Some Princess" in the middle I will find a way for us to co-exist peacefully.


Arthur Dent said...


Just hope you don't find a web that says, "You gotta sleep sometime"...

Ali said...

LOL - holeee, you are hilarious!

I am a murdered, plain and simple...but I am also a screamer.

As soon as I see a bug I begin screaming. I continue to scream as I run down the hall looking for a shoe or something to commit the murder with. I scream while I make my murder weapon selection, while I'm doing the murdering, and while I'm "disposing" of the body.

Fiona said...

Spiders are lucky :) I hope you two can co-exist.

That's one clever little Yvonne said...

Your first mistake was naming it. It's very hard to kill something after you give it a name.

Princess of the Universe said...

AD- I didn't think about that! I'll have to sleep with one eye open for the next few days...

Ali- that seems a much more rational response than everything that I went through.

Fiona - I promise to try harder to get along with the next one.

Yvonne- I'm still entertaining the possibility that she isn't really dead- just on a very stuffy holiday.

Winter said...

That's why I got married. To take care of problems like that.

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