Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I Don't Have Any Dances Coming Up...

I've been a bad little Princess lately. I haven't been responding to any of the comments that you lovelies have been leaving. I do apologise, and promise to make it up to you, starting with this post!!

*Back to our regularly scheduled programming*

I was searching through some of the blogs that Google Reader recommended the other day and I came across the coolest site: Wikihow! Has anyone else ever been there? I now know how I'm spending the rest of my time at my job. And I thought I was going to be bored....

Like wikipedia, the information is submitted by regular joes. In this case, I think none of them are over the age of 14.

Obviously the first thing I was going to ask it was: How to get a boyfriend. I mean c'mon- it's a how-to site! It would tell me what I was doing wrong.

Here's what it told me to do: How to Find a New Guy

  1. Don't force yourself to get over someone. You just have to let it happen. The more you try, the harder it is. Trust me!
  2. When it happens, take a week or two and just explore. Does anyone just pop out at you?
  3. If not, just keep looking. There's nothing worse than hurrying!
  4. Day by day, you'll notice someone. I guarantee it. A guy you barely know or a best friend you've never seen as a guy. Seriously, it could be a guy you NEVER expected it being!
  5. Next, you have to show him you like him. Is there a dance coming up? Don't ask him to the dance, but when you're at the dance, ask him to slow dance a lot! He'll start to get the point.
  6. Have one of your friends call him and ask him what he thinks of you, then, have your friend tell him to consider liking you. Have your friend compliment you as if saying to the guy, "You should like her! She's pretty, smart, really nice!" (Unless you know that friend has a history of flirting with guys you like, then don't. Otherwise, she might end up getting the boy)
  7. Then, the final step, have your friend tell the guy to ask you out. Have them say "You should go out with her! You guys would make a really cute couple." And have your friend make him as you out on the phone.
  • Remember not to seem too desperate.
  • Don't be all over him, remember. At a dance, don't ask him to the dance, don't scare him. Ask him TO dance! Not TO THE dance! (If you get what I mean!)
My person? My Dear Anon? I have someone that I need you to tell to ask me out. His name is James....

Anon? Remember the rules from when we were 16: no flirting with Princess's exes, potentials or wannabe's... (true story).


Thursday, April 03, 2008

Man! I Feel Like A Woman

I've heard a lot about sexism, and discrimination in the workplace etc etc.

I don't put a lot of stock in it, in my own world (this is not to negate anyone else's issues). I figure if I make less than a man, I need to negotiate better. If I get less respect than a man, I need to be a bit less sweet and laid-back, and a bit more alpha female. I prefer to take on the responsibility myself, rather than blame it on external forces. I'm a bit of a control freak that way. I can change myself, but I can't do much to change other people.

Is this about to be a feminist rant? Not even remotely.

I figure, we, as women have a WAY better gig than men do. So much so, that I have no idea why guys walk around feeling so superior all the time.

Let's take pain threshold. Sure in the movies men act all tough when they're fighting through a gunshot wound. As if a woman would put up with that! Why were you silly enough to end up in a situation like that in the first place?

You wanna see pain? I tried to explain to one of my male friends once what cramps are like. He rolled his eyes and scoffed at me when I said it was like getting stabbed in the abdomen and having the knife run back and forth across the length again and again. I could've punched him in the face.

Next I suppose he was going to tell me that women are exaggerating about the pain of childbirth right? Cause that looks like a good time.

Next let's look at aesthetics. Look at a woman. They're soft and curvy, sexy and voluptuous. Men? Yeah, some of them look OK, but should we compare sex organs? Enough said.

But men miss out in the looks department. Though most women are of course naturally beautiful the second they roll out of bed in the morning, we at least have the option to improve on that perfection if we so choose. Looking a bit pale? Nothing a bit of blush or bronzer can't fix. OMG! A blemish?! (And may I mention, what am I 14? I can't believe those things still show up once you hit adulthood) Nothing a bit of concealer won't vanish.

And look at the rainbow of dresses, skirts, halters, stilettos, blouses etc etc etc that we have to choose from. A guy wants to look pretty? A suit it is. ("What colour tie should I wear dear?")
Not to mention the fact that we can get away with looking even more adorable than men in their own clothes. I've yet to see a guy look cuter than me in one of my little dresses.

AND, the biggest tragedy of all, in my little princessy opinion. Tears.
I cry at commercials, movies, talking about my job, thinking about my Mom, when my friends have babies, at name it, I need a tissue. Men? Well, there's no crying in baseball is there? And while it may not be the most professional to cry at work when something goes awry, at least people won't look at you like you're a total freak if you happen to slip up a let a few tears escape. Men? Yeah, not so much an option.

And dirty/messy/icky jobs? Sure, I'm completely capable of: killing that bug, changing a tire, lugging that heavy box up the stairs. But would you be a dear and help me out just a wee bit with that? *flutter flutter*
Can a guy get away with that without emasculating himself?

AND, let's not forget the beautiful ability that women have to be irrational, emotional and freaky. Can we burst into tears because we broke a nail? Yes. Is it irrational? Yes- but it's our God given right to do so, so just back off there skippy!

Do we ask completely nowinnopossiblecorrectanswer to questions such as the following: Do I look fat in this? Is she prettier than me? Of course we do. And we expect the right answer. A resounding and completely convincing "NO!" And we get it.

If a man tried either of the above. Yeah, we'd laugh. In his face. And so would all his buddies too.

So men, you want to rule the world? Start wars? OK- while you're off doing that, I'll be at the spa getting a mani & pedi. Which sounds more fun and relaxing to you?


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