Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Caramilk and white roses

So Mist did a post the other day about an impressively bad date that she ended up on.
This has inspired me to post about the most ridiculous/awful/hilariously bad date that I've ever had...

I actually had a crush on this person (J) when I was 16. However he seemed much more interested in my already taken person at the time.

I was picking up my person to go to a party, and J was over visiting. He was apprently impressed with my new highlights (new since 10 years earlier) and called me up at work a few days later to ask me for lunch.

I declined for that day, but he persisted and I eventually gave him my home number and email. He called with a bizarre range of questions for me. "What is the condition of your heart?" "What is your favourite car?" "Beer or wine?" *"If a guy really screwed up, what would he have to do to make you forgive him?" My response to this was something along the lines of showing up at my door with flowers and caramel Haagen Daaz.

We arranged for a date the following Friday. I was very busy with work as I had a few days of meetings with some out-of-town clients. Suddenly J felt that I wasn't enthused enough about our date, so he sent me a message to cancel it. (It's worth noting here that he didn't actually have email, I just got text messages to my email account. If he had a lot to say I would get several texts in a row).

My response to the cancellation was that I'd never been dumped before the first date before- generally it happened after I didn't put out...
He changed his mind about cancelling since I was so charming.

The date:
-He told me all about his first 2 finacees. Those weddings never happened.
-He told me how he subscribe to Cosmo so he could understand women better (he should have kept reading).
-We decided to go for a drive.
-Because I was feeling romantic I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk in a graveyard.
-He instead took us for a drive in the sticks and got his car stuck.
- He tried using his Dad's name when calling CAA, but they weren't impressed so I had to use my last service call.
-He told the CAA driver that it was our anniversary and this is where we had gone on our first date (I'm sure the driver was wondering which part of getting stuck in the woods made me decide that J should be the father of my children).
- He also asked the driver if he knew a good divorce lawyer since I was sure to leave him after this (he's not wrong).
-When we got out I decided that I was done. He drove us through a car wash and asked if he would get another date. He kept asking and asking - so I eventually said "no."

The next day:
- He called to apologise for the night. (It's OK J, let's keep in touch.)

- I checked my email to find many text messages from J. Not complimentary. Talking about his last fiancee who ended up with a guy who broke her jaw and what a terrible person I was etc etc. (To this day I don't really understand how the broken jaw came into it).
- I found out that he was both drunk and on drugs (meds?).
- I moved on and was reading a book. Suddenly there was a knock on my patio door.
- I looked to see *white roses and Caramilks there. Along with MANY notes of apology for the texts.
- I admit I had a girly episode, freaked out and called my brother over to rescue me from the scary flowers.

- More apologetic phone calls. This time for the "Patio incident"
- Can he come over? No.
-Bring me coffee? No.
- A Muffin? No.
Several hours later:
- Bring me dinner? No.

And that was that. Scary and horrifying at the time.
Now I'm just irritated with myself for my irrational freak-out.
Aren't there any nice normal guys out there?


Glamourpuss said...

I believe there are 'nice guys' out there somewhere, but they are a bit like unicorns, with rare mythical qualities that only reveal themselves to a true believer.


krista said...

They are out there. They only show up when you least expect it. That is how I found my husband! Out of the blue there he was in his shining armour. Just have faith he will and he will come.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Good ones exisit - believe me - it just happens when you least expect it

Anonymous said...

Wow, a little psychotic in my opinion ... but sweet, creepy sweet!

Arthur Dent said...

Sorry.. already taken.

Anonymous said...

Of course there are... you just passed on the best one from Ottawa ;-)

Princess of the Universe said...

Puss- I don't believe in unicorns- but I do believe in faeries- so maybe there's still hope!

Krista- I promise to try hard on the faith thing- I didn't do well in religious studies though.

Princess E- you got any acceptable dukes or barons in your court?

Miss D- actually it was sweet in a bizarre psycho way...

AD- I admit that's why I really didn't meet you guys this weekend. Why fall in love when I know there's no chance for us??

Anon- I'm never going to live that down am I? Young and stupid...

havemycake said...

yikes and not sure, and maybe we should have all gone with our first love, before we all got so "experienced" and damn near impossible to please? (but this guy you're describing sounds creepy in any context...)

Jack's Shack said...

Aren't there any nice normal guys out there?

Most of us are in hiding.

Fiona said...

What are you hiding from Jack? :)

Nance said...

tough date! i feel bad for both of you!

Friendly Manitoban said...

I love J. He is one of my favorite people. Unfortunately he does not always put his best foot forward. Good thing his bride was able to overlook his weaknesses.

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