Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Sex and Veggies

I went to a vegan potluck with K tonight. I felt like a traitor- both to the people at the party, and to myself. I eat meat. K very quietly tried to explain to me the dogma of veganism. She didn't want to get into it there in case they got violent.

Seemed kind of paradoxical to me. People who have such respect for all living things that they won't even eat eggs or honey would get violent if I didn't understand?
So I resisted the urge to say "But honey is bee puke, why can't they eat that? It's not like we, the humans, are forcing the bees into bulimia for the sake of my orange pekoe."
I was proud of my self-restraint.

On the way home K and I started talking about random things, and of course the topic of boys came up. Somehow we ended up talking about my first boyfriend when I was 17 ( "D" of course. Let's call him D the First, or DtF for short.)

I was explaining to K that DtF gave me the sex ultimatum. He calmly explained to me about 2 months into our relationship that if I didn't have sex with him soon I would be forcing him to break up with me. Oh. Well when you put it that way of course I could see how unreasonable I was being. So, being the stupid naive little girl that I was, I put out.

I can't say that I felt much about it either way. I didn't feel used or abused. I just kind of felt like I got it over with. Of course all my girlfriends asked me immediately afterwards "how was it?!"
How should I know? I had nothing to compare it to. I was just pleased that I fit in with the rest of my friends and had accomplished losing my virginity.

He was a bit of a condescending jerk now that I look back on it with a bit more perspective. He would rate my kissing in the beginning. As I was rather a novice at it, he felt that it would be useful to let me know how I was coming along. (N.b. NOT helpful. Humiliating.) He also noted on his calendar "LTC" one day. What does that mean? "Learned to cuddle." Apparently I was coming along nicely in that area too.

I was the only one of my friends in high school to have a job. I worked most weekends, so I missed a lot of parties etc. One Saturday I got a call from my Dear Anon and her friend M. Apparently M and DtF had gone 2 1/2 bases the night before. I could hear M wailing in the background "I'm so sorry Princess!!!" In the meantime DtF had made arrangements to stop by to pick something up on the way to baseball.

I was in shock when DtF arrived from this news of his infidelity. I had put out- what more could I do?
I greeted him at the door with:
"I just got a call from Anon & M."
"Yeah. I figured you would."
*blink blink*
"Well...can you assure me that something like that won't happen again?" (WTF?! Why didn't I dump him on his ass then and there- clearly there were no signs of remorse.)
"I don't know what's going to happen when I'm drunk."

Not the right answer.

Needless to say we broke up shortly thereafter. Even as young and naive as I was, I wasn't a total idiot.

Good Lord, high school boys suck. Anyhow, an amusing memory on the ride home with K that I thought I would share with you all.



Princess Pointful said...

That's some evil boyfriend.
My first serious boyfriend was evil, too. He would get mad at me for wearing the wrong clothes, break up with me for the most ridiculous reasons, once even throwing snowballs at my head while I ran down the street crying, and then would want me back the next day. I would say yes... until the time I said no. Very good decision. Even if he did show up at my house at midnight randomly for the rest of the summer.

Wow. Self-disclosure comment!

All Mod Cons said...

I'd like to see a guy try that now and see how far he got. Man, he'd get a proper kicking! Although, I think a global "Cuddle Day" could have its merits.

Rock Chef said...

When I was growing up my older brother had lots of friends like that - I would hear them discussing how far they had got with who and how good it had been. I decided at that point that I did not want to be like that. As a result I had to wait a bit longer than most before I "lost it" but it was sure worth the wait. We have been together for 22 years now!

Glamourpuss said...

Blimey. What a tosser. At least he set the bar so low everyone who followed would be an improvement!


Jen said...

Wow! Thinking back, I wish I hadn't dated my jackhole of a boyfriend for 8 years. By the time I left him (finally at 24) I had spent a third of my life with this loser. It was a bad, bad situation.

I'm lucky that after many ill-conceived relationships, I finally met the husband. A good, kind and thoughtgul man.

Princess of the Universe said...

Pointful- sounds like he was much worse than my guy. It's amazing what you tolerate when you're too young to know better.

AMC- You think I should cuddle my ex to death? Interesting plan, but I think it would be more torture for me than him. :P

Chef- I have no doubt that you would treat any girl that you're with like the princess that she is.

Puss - Agreed. I've been quite pleased with myself ever since that I got the worst one over with right away.

Jen- I'm sure that the karma gods will give that other guy what he deserves- maybe he'll come back as a frog.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Ahhh... the first boy. Is it just me or were they all losers??

Mine deflowered me, then borrowed my truck, hit a parked car and drove away, didn't tell me, parked it down the street and when I went to leave the next morning (I'd lied to mom about spending the night with a girlfriend -of course - and HIS mom worked nights...) my truck was GONE!

A witness has seen the accident and called it in. The cops found my truck that night. It had been impounded and the cops had already called my mom. Uh-oh.. I was 3 cities away..... not at my gf's house like I said.

Soooo....she had to come pick me up. AND I was wearing her boots and leather pants (hey..it was the 80's) that she had said NOT to borrow...

Yeesh.... talk about the WORST first time ever.

The sad part is... I don't even remember the sex.... just the rest of the story. ha...ha... :)

Diana said...

Yes CinnKitty darling...its part of the frogs and prince experience. They are all frogs in the beginning. HOPEFULLY, karma catches up with them makes them need Viagra at a very young age! (smile)

Princess...loved the blog. Count me as a worshipper!~~Dee

Honey said...

omg we so dated the SAME guy!
At age 14 my first boyfriend, kissed me and said "ohoh I see I'm going to have to teach you how to kiss" and would rate them from then on, PLUS I got dumped because I would not sleep with him. 5I was sooo naive I had no idea that's what he wanted) he just told my best friend to tell me I was dumped because I would not put out, oh and was she up for it?!
Lets make little dollies and stick pins in!

Drama Queen said...

Only way is up after that. . .

Rock Chef said...

Pinkpiddypaws - you don't remember the sex? Perhaps he used the Special Forces technique - get in, complete the mission and get out before anyone realises you are there. OK, that was bad, I know!

Ali said...

What a dill-hole.
DtF, that is.

Random "Frequent Flyer" Dent said...

Ohh man,this is why I stalk blogs, learn from other's experiences. I'm so glad my first non-distance relationship was with a cop who also happened to be a sensitive geek.

Princess of the Universe said...

PPP- I don't really remember the sex either- just the fact that he ws so intent on getting it.

Diana- thanks for stopping by!

Honey- did your friend take him up on it?

DQ- agreed

Rock- that WAS bad. :P

Ali- yup.

Princess of the Universe said...

Random- just remember- if he makes you feel badly about yourself, he's not worth keeping around.

MisstressM said...

I used to have a vegan friend, (notice, I used a key word here….USED TO). This one time I agreed to join her for dinner. And we agreed to go to a restaurant which was mutual accommodating for our eating habits. She could eat all the veggies, grass, and non animal whatever and I could indulge in everything other than your normal vegan diet. I ordered a chicken Caesar salad. Moderately accommodating. Wouldn’t you agree…few pieces of grilled chicken which I could eat fast and the rest was rabbit food.
But no…it wasn’t that easy. When my food arrived and as soon as I tried to take the first bite she stood up and screamed “You are eating a DEAD animal. IN front of me? How degrading?” And then she went on screaming out the details as to how the animals are prepared (killed). Needless to say, we both got kicked out of the restaurant and I refused to speak with her again.
I can certainly do the vegetarian thing. But some vegans are pure evil.

the frog princess said...

Wow. LTC? I think that definitely qualifies as evil.

My "first" cheated on me also.

2 weeks after I lost my virginity.

By sleeping with his ex girlfriend, then somehow making me feel bad about getting mad at him for it! (I'm still not sure how that one worked).

I kept his ass and stayed with it for 3 more years. Congrats to you for being smarter than me!!

Also, I had to laugh because recently I was talking to my bff and made a comment about how lousy he was in bed. Her response was "What? I thought you said it was great!" to which I replied "Of course I did, I had no idea what the hell I was talking about!"

Ahhhh to be young again :)

Princess of the Universe said...

Mistress M - I think that was infinitely better than eating a LIVE animal in front of her. :P

Frog Princess- thanks for stopping by! I think that's the favurite technique of a lot of guys- they do something absolutely awful, then make you feel badly for getting upset about it. Tres manipulative.

SJR said...

My offer from 8 years ago still stands... I'll beat the hell out of him.

Anonymous said...

I remember that night... When D and M were making out I kept saying your name, then M puked in the bushes. LOL. Your still soooo lucky that you didnt date Brian, still the worst BF ever...... I wonder why us ladies are sooo dumb when it comes to boys

pistols at dawn said...

You mean I was expected to be a jerk? Man, I'm going to go date a 17-year-old just to get away with stuff they won't even remember anyway!

Also, vegans are bad news. I dated one for a loooooong time and was yelled at when restaurants only had one "sort of" dairy-less item for her to eat. I believe there was a public screaming session that ended with, "Well, if you've got all the self-righteousness in the world, why don't you move to India, where other people might share your ridiculous self-imposed diet?"

It's kinda hard to come back from that.

Princess of the Universe said...

SJR- a very gallant offer, but he was a scrapper, so I wouldn't want to see you damaged.

Anon - Oh well, it was a learning experience. And M was REALLY sorry afterwards and gave me presents. :)

Pistols- I don't have anything against vegans, I certainly couldn't limit my diet the way they do. I enjoy food way too much.

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