Thursday, October 08, 2009

Burrow.

So I burrowed.
And I cried.
And I wondered if I was an inherently damaged person.

Why do I do better alone?
What is my problem?

My friends called/commented/texted/emailed.

Some offered their couches.
Some threatened me that I couldn't get rid of them no matter how reclusive I became.
Some told me that it was fine if I needed alone time.
Some asked to know what it was that they said that hurt me.

So I poked my head out and forced myself to live.
I called back.
I returned texts.
I responded to emails.

Am I OK now?
Not really.

But will burrowing help?
No.

I'm still hurt.
I'm still confused by why I react the way I do to things.
I would still prefer to hide on my couch ignoring all forms of communication.

I haven't attempted to twitter again.
This blog post kinda sucks.

But as much as I might like to avoid people - I think that's the sort of behaviour that turns you into the crazy lady that wanders the street in a bathrobe followed by stray cats. The lady with the house that the children avoid on Halloween because somehow the rumour got started that if you get too close, you might get snatched up inside, never to be heard from again.

I think I have the potential to become that lady. Not actually kidnapping children of course- cause once I had them, what would I do with them? But the bathrobe in the street lady? Yeah.

So I un-burrowed. Because my people? They give me humanity. They force me to laugh and look at myself in different ways - both bad AND good.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just have to say, that the crazy cat lady in the bathrobe title is already taken by ME....
However feel free to take the crazy kid scaring lady. That title is still open
Nick

Faiqa said...

When the kids get brave enough to ring your doorbell on a dare, you'd answer and then they'd talk to you and find out you were the most awesome kid scaring bathrobe wearing cat lady ever.

Rock Chef said...

You wouldn't just be the mad cat lady - you would be the mad cat lady with the tiara! You would be adding a whole new dimension to the role!

Lynda said...

I burrow as well. It just seems easier that way.

What's that Mimi? *meow* Whose a good kitty?

Hilly said...

Sometimes I turn off my phone and my computer for 24 hours and just spend time alone. I have the tendency to isolate myself so I do it when absolutely necessary for my sanity.

MonsteRawr said...

Congratulations on finding strength! We knew it was in there all along.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

ohhh man- burrowing, i know that feeling.

 
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