Today is Mother's Day.
My step-sister had a garage sale the day before Mother's Day once, and after I left a found a card in my purse from my Step-Mom. I still have it.
"On this day for remembering mothers, your loss must be especially painful.
Hopefully Mother's Day can be a day for you to celebrate your memories...
...and your friends and family can celebrate that part of your mother that lives on in you."
It still makes me kind of choked up. (A significant improvement over the immediate bursting into tears that it used to result in).
I have to say that I don't find Mother's Day to be as painful as I would have thought- especially knowing how sentimental and emotional I tend to be. Perhaps it's because I don't have any particular memories of any Mother's Days that I spent with my Mom. I don't remember anything specific that I did for her. I know I must have, but nothing really comes to mind.
If anything, I can just bring up the happy memories that I have of my mother, and wistfully wish that things could have been different.
- I remember her buying me make-up in grade 5, long before me and my other friends had really even considered it.
- I remember her learning how to read cards (not tarot, but regular playing cards) and practicing on me all the time.
- I remember her having me wrap my own Christmas presents, and having perfect trust that I wouldn't peek inside the boxes to see what I was getting. (I didn't - I always was a little goody-goody).
- I remember her reading stacks and stacks of Harlequin or Silhouette romance novels.
- I remember her speaking French to me a lot, so I would learn it quicker, and so she wouldn't lose it.
- I remember her talking about her dream to go to the Orient, and how her and I would go there together someday.
- I remember her love of science fiction movies, and her taking me to a double-feature of Star Wars and the Empire Strikes Back.
She was a good Mom who had a lot of problems. Now looking back I suspect she was suffering from depression- or perhaps even bi-polar disorder. However, I never once doubted that she absolutely adored and cherished me.
Happy Mother's Day Mom, I hope you know that I'm thinking of you.