Poke Me With a Spoon

**Make all your posts happy - no one wants to read depressing sh*t.
Don't just regurgitate what you did all day, no one wants to read mundane sh*t.
Add a photo to your blog posts, people like that.
Why don't you ask a question at the end of each post? It encourages people to comment.
Don't write about your dreams, that sh*t gets on my nerves.
Don't ask people questions when you could easily just google it.
Don't tweet when you have a new post, that's annoying sh*t.
Don't post or tag people for memes - that sh*t is annoying.
If you don't have a feedreader icon in the top right of your blog, I'm not going to subscribe to your sh*t.

So you may have noticed that I took a few weeks off. And I locked down the blog in the process. Symbolic? Perhaps. Melodramatic? More likely.

And I mentally composed varying versions of the same post over and over again. Each with the same title: "Stick a fork in me." (Clever, no?)

And then I got emails. And texts. And DM's. And Phone calls. And more texts. It seems that a few people out there actually liked my words.

You see I felt like I had already put too much out here. This blog has lost me friends. It almost got me sued (in the I actually received correspondence from a lawyer sense). And I was starting to think it wasn't worth it. I mean really - this blog kind of sucks anyhow right? It's not like I'm saving the world or anything talking about my crap.

And the thing is, right now? I'm sad. For no good reason that I can see at all. I have a job, a home, friends, family, health. Everything else is unimportant in comparison.

And for all the ways that I misrepresent myself as a flaky, girly princess- the fact is - I get most things. I get that I just need to examine, diagnose and treat my unhappiness. I get that I am the owner of my life, and if something needs to change, I should just change it. No one can do that for me. I get that the world is a sucky place sometimes- but I also get that no one owes me a damn thing.

I get it.

But I'm sad. And I've been sad for a long time. And that? I don't get.

What I did know, was that I didn't want to write yet another post about how depressed I am. How I don't see the point in life. And how, boo hoo, I was potentially slightly abused as a child.

Seriously Princess? Walk it off.

So I took a break. Considered a plethora of options.
- Shutting this down until I was less whiny.
- Starting up a new, shiny, more positive blog.

But the problem is me. Not the blog. (Although I may be moving over to wordpress soon- stay tuned) I missed the writing and interaction the past few weeks. And starting over? Yeah, like I'd be less whiny there.

So here you have it. A new post and relatively little change. (Perhaps I just lack conviction?)

But no more lock-out.

Thanks for all of your messages though. They have meant the world and a half to me. It's so nice to know that at least a few people out there enjoy my words....

**Advice I've been given about blogging at one time or other. As if it's possible to blog without breaking at least some of these rules!