Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Disliked

I've never really experienced what it's like to have someone strongly dislike me before.

Now of course I accept the fact that not everyone in the world likes me - that would be impossible. People who aspire to such a thing are being unrealistic.

Of course there is elementary school when little girls can be cruel. But that is just a part of growing up, and isn't something that can be taken so personally that it should haunt you. I expect that those little girls scarcely remember who I am, let alone harbouring a burning feeling of...anything.

What I mean is as an adult- being actively, horribly disliked and resented to the point where a person wishes damage and harm to you. I had never felt that before.

This weekend, I had it pointed out to me that such a person does in fact exist.

I was reminded that for all my neuroticisms and insecurities - not all people are alike.

A person once told me "It's not all about you" and I really took that to heart. It was one flippant comment that turned me into a completely different person from that moment onwards. Because really? Most things? Aren't about me.

I firmly believe that most people's actions, have very little to do with anyone else - they are firmly centred around what is best for them. Now this can often result in some very inconsiderate behaviour- but there are vast acres of difference between inconsiderate actions vs those with malicious intent.

It's why bloggers that do nothing but rant about the stupidity of others really get on my nerves. Because while people do in fact do stupid/annoying/inconsiderate things - so do they and I and all my friends. EVERYone does. Because most people do things for themselves.

But this past weekend, I had lunch with a friend who was talking to me about someone that she had lost respect for. Someone who had done something to me. Now, I had always wondered if the person in question had done the action in question (sorry for the vague), but I honestly thought that if it was her, I knew why she would have done it.

I thought that it was done out of a misunderstanding of my actions, and loyalty to someone else. And a part of me still thinks that.

But now I have doubt.

Doubt that the action may have actually been in fact malicious. That this person couldn't temper what she had heard about me with consideration for the fact that there are two sides to every story.

Doubt that this person may not just be kind of socially inept (although she really is) and may just dislike me. May be jealous of me. May actually be harbouring...some sort of bad feeling towards me.

There are a lot of people in this world that I don't care for. A co-worker who just left. The slouchy girl on the bus. My brother's ex girlfriends. Some of my former customers at my first job. But that's as far as it went- when they were right in front of me - I kind of didn't care for them.

But I always knew that I didn't really know them. That there is probably someone else in the world who loves them, and that makes them worthwhile. And while not everyone in the world is going to love everyone else - no one denies that most people on the planet are valuable. And special. And have their own reasons and points of view.

So to finally come to the realization that someone may dislike me so much as to wish me harm...

Well it takes a while for me to come to grips with that.

And one way to look at it is to be grateful that someone in this planet is willing to put that much energy into the thought of me. It's flattering in a twisted sort of way.

But not really.

Have you guys ever had someone actively dislike you? Did you deserve it? How did you cope?

15 comments:

Shana-Marie said...

I did when I was 12 or so. This girl used to follow me around the neighbourhood calling me names and threatening to hurt me. My brothers started to harass her, and we eventually moved, so I never really had to deal with that.

As for being an adult, I don't think I've ever really been put into a position where I've been made aware of it. There are people who have reason to actively dislike me, but I don't know if they do or not.

And even in their dislike of you, in the end, it's more about them as people than you.

Anonymous said...

I think I have alot of people who dislike me and I'm O.K with that.

I hope this blog wasn't about me . LOL

Nick

Sheila said...

There are a shit ton of people that can't stand me. Whether it's because they don't like my potty mouth, my sense of humor or the way I constantly look like a fashion victim....there are a lot of things for people to not like about me.

But, I don't worry about coping.

Because I just don't give a fuck.

Sometimes I wish I did because then maybe I'd try harder to be normal. But it doesn't work for long.

xoxo

Hilly said...

The first time I found out someone disliked me, it devastated me. It also made me realize how much of a people pleaser I had become over the years.

There are plenty of people out there who don't like me. They never tell me but yanno, they just stop coming around. Heck, this one lady in California disappeared off the face of the Earth after having lunch with Dave and I, haha.

I don't care if someone doesn't like me if they have a valid reason. However, if they don't like me because of something they've heard or misinterpreted, then I get a little wiggy.

mr zig said...

sometimes people HAVE to do what's best for them. Even if to the outside world it seems selfish. Sometimes these "selfish" but necessary action cause one to be disliked. I know I have several hard-core dislikers out there. And it sucks. but sometimes that just the way it goes I guess...

Lizzle-ba-Dizzle said...

It is unsettling, isn't it? I have one person who dislikes me -- nay, HATES me -- and when I found out, I was outraged and hurt and confused. Unfortunately, that person has a really good reason to hate me, which is maybe even more difficult to come to terms with than the hating itself.

Jade said...

I've disliked people and I know people have disliked me over the years. Mostly I think it is personality differences and while I would never wish any of these people harm and can be cordial around them, not actively seeking each other out works for the best.

That said, a few years ago in my last job, we hired on a receptionist whom we all determined was certifiable. As in crazy. Anyway, she hate me. There was no rhyme or reason for it; she just actively hated me and made sure everyone knew. She badmouthed me to coworkers, which was laughable because they all liked me much more than they did her.

She didn't last very long at that job.

Princess of the Universe said...

Shana- I'm glad to hear that you haven't actively experienced it in your adult life.

My Dear Anon - As if it would be about you. Your loyalty is all to ME. :)

Sheila- I would love to not give a fuck - that would be glorious.

Hilly- I think having lunch with you and Dave would make me even more of your stalker-ella than I already am. (And more in love with Dave of course)

Zig - really? You have that many dislikers? That surprises me.

Liz- yeah, it's a bit easier to take when it's not justified isn't it?

Jade- I'm constantly in awe with how many genuinely crazy people there are out there. Impressive really.

Lynda said...

Probably the only time I remember having someone dislike me that much was when they wrote a letter to me, signed my boss' name to it saying that I was constantly disobeying dress code and I was going to be terminated.

I never found out who that person was. But I always figure, there are people we aren't going to like. And people who don't like us.

Rock Chef said...

I know there are people who dislike me but I don't lose sleep over them. They can kiss my ass!

Floating Princess said...

I've had people dislike me, usually because of an impression of me instead of the real me, and it bugs me. I'm not going to lie, it bothers me when people don't like me. But I get over it because it's their problem, not mine.

There is one person who doesn't like me, and thinks in her crazy brain that I'm sleeping with her husband. It couldn't be further from the truth and she is just really crazy, so that one doesn't bother me.

Anonymous said...

Hmm I'll have to think about this one as it's something I've struggled with a few times as well and I range from mildly bothered to extremely hurt when it's become obvious that someone doesn't like me. I've made my fair share of mistakes but I hope I've learned from them well enough to be a bearable human. LOL. I often make some lame attempt to right it with the disliker which can sometimes just make things much worse so I don't recommend that unless you have a really big rock to hide under after. My rational brain tells me after I've tried to work it out and fail that at a certain point it's now their stuff, but my heart still holds onto it for a long time. And I do think if this person acted maliciously it will in the long run damage them more than you because I believe that kind of negativity eats from the inside of it's source more than it can feed off us. Just remember all of us who do in fact love and adore you in the meantime:)

*hugs*
K

Jess said...

You have a fantastic outlook. It is so important to remember that most things are NOT about us and are much more reflective of the person doing the thing than of the people affected by it. Still, it sucks that in this particular situation that may not have been the case. Honestly, I try not to worry about people who don't seem to like me. It's their problem, I have a lot of great friends, so let's just move on. You know?

Faiqa said...

I am going to jump off the positive outlook wagon that I usually ride on to tell you a secret I believe to be true because I love you so much... If *someone* in this lifetime does not hate/dislike you, you are doing it (life) wrong.**

People who are not disliked or hated are that way because they don't take stands ... about what they believe, about who they are, about what they feel or about what they're willing to tolerate.

There were people who hated Jesus. I mean, really, who the hell in their right mind could hate Jesus?!! But a few people did, as we all know. Being disliked, in my mind is *almost* as important as being liked.


**Please note that this is not to be confused with everyone hating or disliking you. Then, we have a problem.

Kyla Roma said...

I think we need to go get some sushi and then fight the bitch. Name a time, lady, you know where I am.

And ps- we should go get food because I miss you! So lets get this under control?

 
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