The One Where I Talk About Children

Darlings, forgive my negligence of late. I am feeling rather low and uninspired. I certainly don't want to turn this into the "depression blog" as I've seen some of those and after a while they bring you down to the point that you just don't want to read them anymore. But lately I've been feeling sad and rather than bring all of you lovelies down with me, I took a little hiatus.

Anyhow, I DO need to share with you my Thanksgiving festivities from yesterday. It may spread into a few posts, as I think I received ample inspiration from that one event.

Today's post will be slanted toward children.

Now I don't know if I've ever discussed my thoughts on children. I have a couple of nieces and nephews and I love them dearly. I don't know that I want any of my own. I am convinced that I would be a mean/overly strict parent. I find children nowadays kind of appalling in that they don't receive adequate discipline because parents seem afraid to do so. Perhaps the maternal instinct will come to me late, but for now I am content to adore and spoil the little ones in my family, and then give them back at the end of the night.

Aside from freaking out about food and space and cleaning, I was concerned that the little ones would be bored and cramped. So I actually put some time and thought into what they would be doing while they were here.

I dedicated a room to them. I pulled out my old barbies, brought down my dollhouse and furniture and put out on display my precious tiara and fairy wand. OK, the girls were covered.

Uh huh. There are two seven year old boys that I need to worry about now. What do I do about them? I don't know how to work boys. (On sooo many levels, but that's not the point of this post is it?)

Ok, what can I do for them? Oooh, I have some art supplies. That should work. I loved to draw when I was little. K offered me her mini DVD players, and then was an absolute saint when she thought to bring me some kids movies too. (I didn't think to ask for those- I realized belatedly that all I had that might be kid appropriate was "Hairspray" and some "Animaniacs" cartoons. And the Animaniacs are questionable when it comes to "appropriate".)

Ok, we're set. The kids have a room to themselves. They can even play on my computer if they want. They all have Webkinz. This should be enough to amuse them for a few hours, right?

I looked around the room in satisfaction. It was fantastic. No adult ever took care of me like that before. The kids would never have to leave the room! They would eat, and play and everything would be fantastic. I mean, they wouldn't go into other rooms right? There's nothing fun in the kitchen or the bathroom or my bedroom or anything.

So, yeah. That "special box" that I keep beside my bed? The one that's completely innocuous? The children wouldn't look in there right? I mean I don't need to hide that or anything do I?

I remembered when I was 21 and my parents went away. I had a bunch of friends stay over, and my boyfriend and I stayed in their room. Yes, we had sex. But there was no reason to check around the bed. I saw him dispose of the condom and the wrapper. And then the parents came home. And found the second condom and wrapper behind the bed. Le sigh.

Uh huh. Just in case maybe that can go up into the closet. On the top shelf. Behind some books.

So the children arrive. (Oh yeah, and the adults too). The girls are 4 and 9. The boys are both 7. J, the 9 year old immediately starts snooping. "J, there's nothing for you in there. " "J?" Ok, go ahead and tear apart that chest withmypreciousgiftwraptagsandcards...no problem. Oh yeah, go through all my jewellery too. My linen closet? Go ahead- that's super fun for kids.

It was hilarious. I would like to think that I would never have snooped through a grown up's things like that, but I do remember finding my parents' room fascinating. So I guess my place had the same novelty. I have to admit, I was pretty surprised though. The kids were EVERYwhere. Who knew that my bathtub was a fun place to hang out in. Good thing I clean all over...

The only casualty was a figurine that I was silly enough to leave out. I can't even blame the kids for not telling me that they broke the head off. I mean who wants to risk getting in trouble, right? Easily fixed with crazy glue.

I am super happy that I moved that box though. Who needs to find my erotica and battery operated boyfriend? And I have to confess, my concern about that? Not so much about the kids seeing it- but the possibility that it might result in my Dad finding out about it. I don't need that round of therapy.

Anyways, the kids seemed to have fun in the end, and that's all that mattered.

Next episode: the food, seating and dishes...