Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Starchy Oreos

So on Monday evening I officially met the lovely Miss Kyla Roma. I am constantly on a quest to find the man of my dreams Winnipeg bloggers who post about things other than their annoyance at the mayor for our lack of rapid transit (FYI - I take the bus people, and I do OK! Leave him alone!) and Kyla fit the bill.

Now I'll be honest - the other day she twittered about how she was eating homemade Oreos for breakfast. This is awesome on so many levels. A) Hello- she makes homemade oreos! B) I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds cookies to be an acceptable breakfast meal C) Once we're bffs she'll totally give me home made Oreos.

I immediately sent her an email demanding that we become best friends - and oh yeah, why don't we meet for dinner or something first so we know what each other looks like just to sign the bff contract so it's all official k?

We met at the fabulously starch-filled utopia of Nico's greek restaurant. Now for some reason she didn't bring any Oreos with her. I was momentarily confused by this until I realized...obviously she had to hold something in reserve. I mean she clearly adored me and was paranoid that I would just be meh about her. So she held onto the Oreos as a bribe in case I wasn't into seeing her again. OK. I can deal with that. (But Kyla? Next time? Oreos in hand right from go, mmmkay?)

So here's where I give you all advice on exactly what to do to impress a blogger (or anyone really) upon first meeting:

1. Totally talk up your adventures on adult websites so she has no doubt in your mind about how promiscuous you are. Cause even though she's married, she can totally use all these gems of knowledge that you've gleaned from these experiences. (Here's where I remind everyone that I haven't had sex in 6 months thank you)

2. Be sure to mention therapy/meds/being crazy several times throughout the meal, you know, in case she missed it the first time or two. Again, though she is clearly sane, it's good for her to know that she has crazy that she can call up whenever the need arises.

3. Stare at her eyelashes/eyes in a completely mesmerized and borderline creepy manner ALL evening. No, don't actually ask her about her mascara and compliment her on how awesome her eyes are, just stare. You're bff's now right - she'll somehow just intuit what the gazing is all about.

4. Whenever you're not creepily eyelash gazing, be sure to keep looking over at the table where your ex-roommate thatyourecentlytoldyoucouldn'tbefriendswithanymore is sitting. Cause when you're not staring, you should look like you're totally not into what she's saying at all.

5. When the meal is over and you walk outside and find that it's raining, be sure to ask a really involved question that can't be answered with less than 100 words. The bonding experience of simultaneously getting drenched will make you that much closer.

6. Be sure, after offering her a ride to the bus stop, to have the Village People blaring out of your car stereo. I mean the Village People are cool right? Of course she loves them too and will be delighted with how much you have in common.

7. Drop her off at a corner just far enough away from the bus stop so that she's completely soaked through by the time she gets there. Be careful to time it just right so that it begins to hail just as she's leaving your car. She'll know that it's a character-building experience and you're really trying to make her a better person.

8. Never, even until this moment, give her your last name or your phone number or anything. It's not like you need to actually exist in reality. Maybe she'll think that it was all just some sort of dream she had.

Who wants to meet me next?


Kyla Roma said...

LMAO Oh my goodness - you are brilliant, you were staring at my eyelashes & eyebrows?? I'm dying laughing at work.

Meeting you was so much fun, you are a total doll - and I'm looking forward to hanging out when I get home from Vegas. You break my heart, I am probably going to frame this lol <3

AmyTree said...

Me!! Me!! I TOTALLY want to meet you next!!! May I offer Plymouth, UK as a really HOT tourist spot? You would love it. We Beaches, and fishnchips,!!! :-) xx

AmyTree said...

(PS I make really good brownies...)

Becky said...

HAHAHA!!! I can so picture that perfectly in my head!

But, seeing as how I have your last name, address, and cell phone number, I will begin the stalking immediately ;-)

Princess of the Universe said...

Kyla- oh yeah, you have no option to get rid of me now- you're fab!

AmyT- you may have to send me some of the brownies as incentive...

Becky- You are welcome to peek into my windows anytime!

Shelley said...

HAHAHA!! Those all sound like dorky things I would do. Um, not that you're dorky. Shit, I'm off to a bad start already, aren't I?

Nat said...

yeah... 'bout drinks on the deck. ;)

(Kidding, if I'm in the peg or your in O-town we're on.)

Chief Rock Chef said...

Does this mean that you would stare at MY mascara too? I do try to be subtle about it and hope that no one realises.

Holding back the oreos was clearly a great move - don't want to go all the way on a first date! :-)

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...

Pick me, pick me!!!!

Pssssttt - once you get the oreo recipe, share the wealth!


Dana said...

Oh, I totally do all of that when I hang out with Kyla. It's the natural reaction to her awesomeness.

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