Interview II

So I totally got interviewed again, cause I'm just THAT awesome. This time by the phenomenally amazing Sheila.

1. I only "know" three Canadians but you all are very awesome. Is this typical of those who hail from Canada or are you three just extraordinary?
Yeah, I'd say typical. It comes from being part of the commonwealth and being all polite and stuff. That and the fact that for the most part we feel pretty inferior (while at the same time having a superiority complex) so we over-compensate. But yeah, I'm pretty awesome aren't I?

2. LeSombre wants to educate me by introducing me to delicacies like beaver tail. Was he just pulling my leg or do you guys really eat things like that?
Ahem. You do know that he is not in fact going to be feeding you a tail of a beaver right? I won't ruin the surprise or anything, believe me, it's quite delish. But yeah- we got some cool stuff going on...poutine (which is rarely made properly - it's cheese curds people, not shredded mozzarella!), bannock, tourtiere, uhhh maple syrup.

3. You call yourself "Princess of the Universe". How did you decide upon this name for your blog?
Le sigh. It's soooo not interesting if you weren't there. Let's just say that I don't like competition, and proclaiming myself Princess of the "Universe" really eliminates the idea that anyone could be a more important Princess than I am. The thought has occurred to me though that if I ever go to some sort of Blogger convention, I'm going to feel like a real dumbass introducing myself with that name.

4. Who is the most influential person in your life? Why?
My Daddy. As far as I am concerned, he is the perfect voice of reason and wisdom. He is forever the voice in my head and I would be devastated to ever disappoint him. I was always Daddy's little girl, and have to admit, that him dying when I was 11 rather than my Mother would have created an even bigger need for therapy than I've already engaged in.

5. What is your favorite song? Movie? Book?
Song? Uh, it changes every week. At the moment I'm kind of in love with all things Pink. But my niece got "Sing It" for the Wii this past Christmas, so I have to admit, that this song has been in my head ever since (I have no idea who these people are):




Movie: Moulin Rouge
Book: Eek, just one? No can do, I gotta do a list: The Complete Works of Jane Austen (Who could pick just one Jane book?) Harry Potter (all), The Fionavar Tapestry

Now, as you know, there are rules for this interview. So if you want to be interviewed, let me know in the comments- but really, is there anyone in the bloggiverse that I haven't sent questions to yet?

xo

It's the End of the Year...Time to Assess...

So what is it that makes us interesting people worth knowing? For the most part, I think what defines us, is the decisions that we make.

But it's not enough that we always make the decisions that we should make. It's the surprising ones, the stupid ones, the unexpected ones that also carve out our paths and make us who we are.

Before making any decision, I tend to always do what my father would prefer. And if it's a major life event, I even consult with him on it. He's the voice in my head. The epitome of reason and correctness.

But I don't even think that he would respect me if I didn't do the odd thing without his direct approbation. Our choices create a butterfly effect- both for ourselves, and for the people around us, and sometimes we need to create those effects for ourselves- without anyone telling us what to do.

On the whole? I tend to always do the right thing. I don't take a lot of risks in my life, and I am constantly aware of how my behaviour will both affect those around me, and how it will cause other people to think of me.

- I can't wear clothes that are too tight or low cut. Not only are they not flattering, but more importantly- people might get the wrong impression of me.
- If I throw a party, I must invite my neighbours, and slip notes under their doors ahead of time warning them that it's coming so as not to offend.

I could go on and on citing examples of things that I do that are proper and appropriate. I'm always the one to throw the shower or staggette. I will always be on time. I will always consult before purchasing a gift so as to not burden someone with something unwanted.

But does this make me interesting? Not even remotely. Even reading this makes me not want to be friends with myself. People don't want to be around people who are constantly in a state of high drama, crisis and neediness. Someone who is constantly making stupid decisions and is complaining about their lot in life is just frustrating.

However, someone who always has the correct job, education, and car and house and friends?
Someone who never gets drunk, and works out religiously and doesn't have time for TV because they're working at a homeless shelter? Yeah, they're probably not sought out for all the best parties either.

I've been thinking about some of the decisions I've made this year and trying to figure out which end of the scale I'm ending up on. There are some phenomenally bad moves that I've made, and I'm trying to figure out if I can counter them with enough smart decisions to at least have it all kind of be a wash...

BAD:
- Quit job without anything to fall back on, and not much hope for EI
- Got myself in a potential load of trouble because of this blog
- Said some unkind things about people on this blog
- Went out with a couple of internet men, had sex with one and am currently freaking out because of being "late"
- Totally betrayed my brother's trust to my father and had a potentially relationship-shattering fight with him as a result
- hit pole with car- haven't addressed annoying dent yet

GOOD:
- Quit job that caused me to end up on crazy pills and therapy and throwing up every day
- Found much better job with way more money and benefits
- Am now seeing step-sisters on a more regular basis and are getting much closer as a result
- Am now off crazy pills and therapy and seeing doctor every 2 weeks
- Am back to volunteering with Alumni Association, and have made some lovely new friends there

Honestly, at the moment the bad is looking a lot worse than the good. I think I need to perhaps re-assess some things. Do the bad decisions make me more interesting, or am I just looking like someone who needs to smarten up a bit? I get so tired of being proper and appropriate that apparently sometimes I tip a bit too far to the other end of the spectrum.

I'm all for being a well-rounded (read: equal parts smart and stupid) person, but I'm thinking that perhaps tipping a little bit more on the "good" end, as a rule? Probably the best way to go.

OK, off to write my list of resolutions. I only have a few days....

Administrative Whatnot...

• I have sent everyone their interview questions, so if you haven't received them- let me know and I will re-send (*Adam, I didn't send you any, because I notice you offered it to everyone that you interviewed - however if you actually enjoy the questions, I will be more than happy to do so)
  
  
• A day and a half more of work- then I'm on holidays until the 5th! Squee!
  
  
• I have made a pile o' peanut butter and mint fudge for the holidays - more than anyone could possibly consume. Feel free to send in your request, I'll be happy to ship some out to you!
  
  
• Because apparently I channel a 15 year old occasionally, I bought new winter boots that are all suede-y and need to be laced up and have pom poms on the end of the laces. Just a note for next time? Pom poms? Undo themselves while you walk. EVERY freakin' time. Next time make purchases appropriate for a 33 year old mmmkay?
  
  
• There is barely anyone at work right now. I have been cleaning my office. It's wonderful. I enjoy Christmas holidays around a school.
  
  
• I have my car back.

xo

On Siblings...

So my brother's car is all sick and broken and wounded and stuff. So since I take the bus everyday, an executive decision was made that I would be absolutely thrilled to lend him mine.

Now as it happens, I was sick last week. Cause that's just how I roll. You know, getting sick once a month and missing meetings and having to play catch up for a week even though I only missed two days. Whatev.

Anyhow, since I was all pitiful last weekend, I really didn't need my car. I was content to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. Good times.

So on Friday morning, I lent him my car. And everyday was told that I would get it back "tomorrow." Well, as the saying goes, tomorrow never comes now does it?

So on Wednesday evening, I'm in my Pj's listening to Britt and Adam's radio show and completely happy with my lot in life. I was heading to bed at 9PM cause I'm like 80 years old, and life was good. Then the phone rang. My brother's gf: he'll be at my place shortly to drop off my car. Cool! I get my car back!

*pause*

Wait, a second, where are you? Crap. I have to drive him home don't I? But I'm in my pajamas! Flannel pants aren't warm anywhere but inside people. Yeah, -40 degrees? Not so much. And this tank top? I know I'm all uber sexy and stuff, but it just isn't going to cut it. #@%^#&#^%()#%^)(#*^%#

So my brother walks in looking all proud of himself for returning my car after only 5 days and immediately heads to my fridge. Seriously, not the best idea. Only I know how old some of that stuff is. Eat at your own risk.

So we start driving to his car and he starts lecturing me about various aspects of my behaviour. Fair enough - I do in fact give him and his gf a hard time. And of course, they are neither of them self-aware enough to know that they bring it on themselves. It hurts me sometimes to know that my brother, the second most important man in my life is so completely clueless most of the time. I take the lecture with grace, and agree that I need to speak to him more nicely.

And you know what? I did. I was totally sugar sweet to him when he called me the next afternoon to tell me that his car died again and that I needed to go to his house after work and deliver my car. I was super patient when he sounded annoyed that I hadn't taken my car to work yesterday and took the bus like I do every other day, so it would take a little longer for my car delivery to occur.

I didn't even insist that he pay when he was driving me home (in my car) and I requested that we drive-thru Wendy's as I had no food at my place for dinner.

And then I dropped the bomb on him.

You see, he isn't quite so stellar at paying his bills. At the moment, he doesn't have any phone/TV/internet. So he's missed out on a few weeks of emails from the parents. He was totally clueless that Christmas was going to be different this year. You see the parents' bought a condo, and it's way smaller than the old homestead. So Christmas dinner? Lasagna. Maybe some garlic toast and salad too. Not sure.

I voiced my objections about this a month ago, and was quite bluntly told by my Step-Mom that I didn't have a say in the matter. Not so much a demoncracy in our family. I was just disappointed because being the single one, I spend both days with the parents - Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. And generally by the evening of the 25th I'm wanting to poke my eyes out and just go home and watch whatever new DVDs I had received that day. However, this year my step-sister is hosting us, and we get turkey! (My step-mom never does turkey either- we get chicken for Thanksgiving, and it used to be ham at Christmas). So I got over my disappointment knowing that I would get a traditional meal the next day.

My brother? Not so much. By the time we got back to my place, he had really warmed up and was well into the ranting and swearing and feeling victimized by the whole thing. But I promised to speak nicer to him. So my solution? Laughing at him and very sweetly telling him to suck it up.

I'm a good sister.

xo

The Princess Recommends 7.35

That last post? Let's face it- it wasn't really a post. It was me trying to make up for the fact that I really haven't written anything in almost a week. And lo! Here's a second post for the day!

I think we can all learn a lesson here. Don't post something sub-par just for the sake of posting. Cause then you might be rewarded with something way more worth posting later on in the day? Uhh, somehow my lesson went askew...

Anyhow, I totally got all shamelessly solicited today. And since I'm unaccustomed to being hit up for favours, instead of feeling all affronted? I feel cool! Cause why would I get hit up if I wasn't well on my way to being one of the cool bloggers of influence?!

The hitter-upper-person? Super Alisa! (No honest, that's the name of her blog, I'm not just being all complimentary).

And what does Alisa do? Well, she seems inordinately fond of her rack. On page one you see it proudly displayed a couple of times. So gentlemen? Off you go, I'll wait...

What else does she do? Well, she has an Etsy shop for Snarky Cards. And people? They are all kinds of hilarious. I have to admit, my friends would probably be waaaaayyy too uptight to handle these cards, but there is one in particular that I would like to give to a few of my blog crushes.
(Hah! You totally thought I was going to link to my boy bloggie crush didn't you?)

I think you should pay particular notice to her "Beautiful Rejection" section. It is totally fab.


Anyways, Alisa - thanks for making me feel all cool for a few minutes. Good luck with the leg and the boobies and the cards!

xo

I Didn't Take Journalism...

OK, so far I've sent out 8 whole sets of interview questions.
Yeah, this is a WAY bigger project than anticipated, but I love it.

And my questions? Totally self-centred.

E.g questions:
What would you make ME for dinner when I come to visit?
What are you doing to entertain me when I show up unannounced on your doorstep?
When are you planning the next Great Canadian Blogger Meet-Up?

What do Americans really think of Canadians? (just curious)

I also noticed that I'm kind of bossy too:

M&M's or Smarties? Discuss.
Go say hi to my friend who lives next door to you OK?
Name a rat after me, OK?

Hmm...perhaps I should lose the tiara for a few days...

xo

Five Questions from Avitable

So a little while back Avitable offered to interview anyone who asked with five questions. I got mine this morning, and since I've been feeling more than a little un-creative the past few days, I feel compelled to thank him for the excellent timing.

1. You and I have both experienced threading. I probably cried more than you, but shouldn't we get hats and buttons and membership into some awesome club just for surviving the experience?
And cookies, and chocolate and definitely some wine. (Preferably pink and really sweet.) And yet I still maintain that I will do it again. That whole allergic reaction thing was WAY traumatizing...

2. If you're the Princess of the Universe, who's the Queen?
I'm tempted to explain the whole "Princess of the Universe" backstory - but really? Unless you were there? It's so not funny. I don't think there's any possible way to explain it to make it amusing to anyone other than myself. (And I have to confess, I still find the memory amusing as hell). And on another note? Everyone I know who claims to be a "Princess"? No one wants to be Queen. I think it might have to do with the whole age thing...

3. Winnipeg doesn't sound like a fun place to visit - it's just the name, for some reason. Can you defend it?
I totally wiki'd this: Winnipeg's name is derived from the western Cree words of win and nippi which translate to "Muddy Waters". This I imagine is true, because there is a restaurant around here called "Muddy Waters." I hate that place. It's the first time I've ever gone to a restaurant and found nothing on the menu that I wanted to order. Ahem.
Ok, so cool things about Winnipeg that would make you want to visit:
a) World Class ballet (except I hate the ballet, so this really does nothing for me).
b) Winnie the Pooh is named after Winnipeg (although why would that make people come here now?)
c) Winnipeg is Slurpee capital of the World (so you can totally come here and see some signs proclaiming that)
d) Wedding socials- cheap alcohol, bizarre range of music, dancing with old people and winning prizes...
e) I'M here- isn't that enough to make people want to stop by???

4. Why do you blog?
Too much spare time on my hands?
Ok, why? Aside from the fact that I was kind of peer pressured into it? I've always had diaries, but I always kind of wrote them for an audience. I always assumed that someone would read them someday and I tried to make them appropriately entertaining. And I do love the community aspect of it all. The more commentary I get, the happier a Princess I am.

5. If I told you I was a Federal Breast Inspector, would you believe me?
I'd be much more likely to believe that you are, than if you tried to convince me that you weren't.
Just for you Adam:

The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:

"Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions."

This May Be TMI for Some of You...

So this past Saturday? I got threaded.

(You know what makes me mad? The fact that I have to do that- I mean women are supposed to be all smooth and silky, so why? For the love of Goddess, why?)

Ahem. Anyhow, I got threaded for the first time. Cause I'm a delicate flower, and apparently waxing just causes me to break out in pink rashy puffed up itchiness. Annoying.

So I got a coupon for a free threading. Awesome. No product= no pink rashy puffed up itchiness right?

So off I go. My eyebrows were ready. My wallet was doing a little dance because I was getting this for free. Bring it on!

So first of all? It hurts. Like a lot. Not even like a lot. Just really - it hurts a LOT. I mean waxing, that's not fun, but it's brief. So in like a millisecond it's over. Threading? Not to much. But whatev. After the initial shock I'm all "I am Princess, hear me roar! I can totally do this."

Then? There's apparently audience participation required. The woman has the bloody thread in her teeth and is using her hands to tear out each little individual hair at a time, and is clearly positioning the thread very specifically so as to maximize the pain. But I still have to stretch out the skin above and below the eyebrow. Fine lady. I'll help you cause me more excruciating pain. (Did I mention that it hurts? Yeah. It does.)

Next? When it's all over? "You want upper lip done too?"
Le sigh. Clearly since she's asking, it needs to be done right? "Yeah OK" (I mean why not, it's been super fun so far, right?)

More audience participation! I have to shove my tongue up below the lip so as to stretch out the skin again. She would occasionally tap a place, and apparently that was her not-so-subtle way of letting me know where the pain was coming next. (Oh yeah, and where my tongue should be) (Resisting urge to make predictably dirty tongue joke here).

And THEN? She keeps going...lower lip (wha?) chin...(seriously?)

"Next time, you schedule whole face."

*blink blink"

"OK" (as I try hard not to burst into tears, and suddenly have visions of photos of me posted around the city under the heading "See Princess, the Dog-faced Girl!")

I go out into the main area, and the owner asks me how it all went. "It hurt!" She sighs softly and agrees that it does.
"And apparently I need to do the whole face next time!"
By this time, I've recovered my sense of humour and am totally writing this post in my head.

"Did she do more than just your brows?"
"Uh yes, apparently I needed it. Whole face!"

She sighed softly again and told me how she's had talks with her about how it's not necessary to upsell, but the woman sees hair and just needs to remove it...
And then told me that the same thing happened in the interview - it was more of an audition with the woman waxing her. She told me that she had tears streaming down her face as the woman insisted in doing her lip too and how much it hurt.

First of all? Wimp. I didn't cry (on the outside anyways).
And second? Wow, I hope she didn't have too many people to interview that week. Cause the face is actually less painful than some other places...

But actually? I still think I kind of liked the little masochist. I didn't have any pink rashy puffed up itchiness afterwards. And at least she's gonna be honest with you.

Yeah, I'll be going back.

The Princess's Two Cents on some Pop Culture-ish Stuff...

I bet you think this is going to be another post about what I'm doing this weekend? Totally not!
Although, I have to admit that's tempting- because while I have nothing officially scheduled this weekend until Sunday night, I have a zillion and one administrative things to do, and I would love to whine about them. But yeah, like no one else has a lot to do before Christmas right? Whatev.

Nope, today this post is devoted to pop culture. Some things I've noticed of late on the radio/TV/movies etc etc that I think should have some sort of Princessy editorial added to it. (And lord knows I'm pretty late in the game on some of these - but nonetheless....)

First of all: Twilight. Now I have to say, I loved the books. Loved! And totally rushed out to see them movie the first weekend. And Miss Britt? She's having a contest, and she's giving away the series. Since I totally borrowed the books, I would love love love to win these. Oh and Miss Britt? She's so pretty.
And to all those of you who are either loving or hating the movie? Ugh, at least you didn't have to leave it halfway through. MUST get to the theatre to see the other half.

Second: Grey's Anatomy. I must confess, I tend to watch Grey's during the commericals of Supernatural (must get some sort of functioning recording device). But last night I caught the entire ep. Now I love love loved Denny. Was absolutely devastated when they killed him and then stalked him around TV land with an all-encompassing crush. But this? Seriously? Stupid.

Third: Rock Band? Guitar Hero? Wii? DDR? I could barely hop over the little mushrooms when Super Mario was the thing growing up, but now? I am a bloody rock star on Guitar Hero. I can do "Shout at the Devil" like no one's business. Uh, on easy of course. And I still don't get what that little lever on the side does or what all the way lines mean. But still? I'm so cool. And I totally need someone to invite me to a DDR party (Dance Dance Revolution for those of you less cool than me).

Uh, and apparently I'm so cool I can't think of anything else to make random commentary on right now. Perhaps I'll make this a recurring post, you know, when I think of more stuff...

xo

Princess's Happy Place

I used to proudly proclaim that this blog was my "happy place." And then I started writing posts about possible abuse and my crazy pills and my lack of sex. So maybe I should call this blog my "occasionally pleasant" place.

Anyhow, as I generally do- whenever I write a particularly not-so-upbeat post, I try to follow it up with happy happy things. And guess what? I'm totally doing that again.

1. My person and her DH had a baby! Yay! It's a boy! If you would like to send baby gifts to a complete stranger that you only read about on this blog, I'm sure she'll gratefully accept them. The baby should be worshipped after all. Email me!

2. I saw Ali last night! We had a mediocre dinner at Joey's - but who cares?! I got to see her after a zillion months. She assured me that I'm not a stalker by sending Facebook messages every few weeks: so when are we getting together huh? When? When? I miss you! I love you! When? When? Soon? When? Etc. She's a good sport.

3. Guess what I got in the mail from the fabulously gorgeous Wendy Brandes? A necklace! This one in the photo! And the name on it? Well, I guess you all know what my first name is now (contrary to everyone who thinks my name is "Violet" because of my email address)...and that's totally my handwriting and everything. Isn't technology fab?! Why don't you buy your loved ones a present from Wendy? In fact, why don't you send me a present? I would love either the Mia Scent Locket, or the Sunflower ring. Thanks! PS- do you read Wendy's blog? You should- it's fab! Thanks so much Wendy for this! I love love love it! And you're a peach for being so concerned about the delivery!

4. I have officially sent out a little over half of my Christmas cards. I'm quite pleased with myself. You know what to do if you want one....

5. Thank you all so much for all your lovely words of support on my last post. I really appreciate it and it gave me a lot to think about. Most especially to Rock Chef who sent me an email that was so sweet it made me cry. At work. First thing in the morning.

6. Only 13 more days of work before Christmas! And then I get from Dec 24- Jan 4 off. Who wants to hang out with me during my glorious holidays??

7. Did everyone notice my fish over there on my sidebar? The lovely AmyTree found them (for me). Click on the little screen and show them some digital love wouldja?

OK, that's all for now lovelies. Have a superfab Thursday!
xoxo

The Bootlegging Story Has Really Nothing to Do With Anything...

My Grandfather was arrested for bootlegging once. I'm two generations away from bona fide hillbillies. But apparently people find my family snobby. On my Mom's side anyways. I can't argue it. We are. It seems for no good reason at all.

So my cousin came in from out of town last weekend and stayed with me last night. We had a long talk. She's been hanging onto something for a long time and it seemed that I needed to give her some sort of absolution. I think when I tried at age 14 or so it wasn't quite good enough. I needed to have the conversation with her as an adult.

Abuse: bad or improper treatment; maltreatment: The child was subjected to cruel abuse.

It seems that some members of my family were concerned that I was being abused. Not sexually - just the usual old-fashioned kind as in the definition above. Not by my Dad of course. I am completely biased about him, but the general consensus of all who have ever known him is that he is a good, kind man.

The thing is, I think he is the one who may have been abused. By my mother. The one who's been dead for almost 22 years now. It physically hurts me to actually be writing something so awful about the woman who gave birth to me, but it seems like there was a genuine concern in my family when I was young that I never knew much about.

My cousin and her mother called Child and Family Services when I was 9 or 10. My cousin had lived with us when I was 9 and saw a lot. She was 18.

Since my mother dies when I was 11, all my memories of her are coloured with the thoughts, perceptions and feelings of a child. And I sometimes wonder whether everyone's childhood memories are as hazy as mine. My memories of my mother are at such extreme ends of the spectrum that it would be almost comical if it wasn't so sad.

But listening to my cousin last night was shocking, yet it reminded me so much of things that I had long forgotten. She compared me to a china doll back then. How I always had to behave perfectly and how my favourite restaurant as a child was some place much fancier than a child of my age should have been ever thinking about. In some ways I think I was a little doll for my Mom to dress up in fancy clothes and but jewellery for and take out to nice places.

But I can't quite reconcile that to abuse. I think my Mother was a very unhappy woman. I think she was also quite ill herself. Both in the traditional sense with heart and blood pressure problems, and in the mental health sense.

My cousin reminded me of how she came home one day to find me crying in my room because my Mother had dumped everything from all my drawers and the top of my dressers onto the floor and left me a note saying that I had to have my room cleaned by the time she got home. I don't remember the incident precisely, but hearing about it doesn't surprise me.

Is this abuse? I don't know.

Is it normal for a child to be afraid of their Mother? Is it normal that when my Mom was in the hospital for the brief time before she died that I was devastated when she said that she was taking 6 months off work for her health because I didn't want her around so much. Is it normal that I was a little relived when she died? Is it normal that while I still miss her every day, I wonder if I didn't turn out just a little bit better because I only had her moods and temper around for 11 years instead of my whole life?

I can't make myself believe that I was abused. But the rational part of me reminds me that even abuse must occur on a sliding scale. Perhaps I was in the low - mid range. There was a lot of good, but the bad was worse than non-abused kids would have to experience. I don't know.

I can't see how at age 33, suddenly deciding that I was an abused child could possibly do me any good. What would that do to my poor Father?

I know that the reason I'm not married and most likely never will be is because I'm scared that I will treat my partner like my Mother treated my Father. I know that the reason I pause before I say anything to anyone, ever, is to gauge their mood to make sure they're not going to snap at me or get angry at me for disturbing them. (Yes, EVERYone, EVERytime. That includes my person, My Dear Anon, Ali, everyone...) I know that the reason that I don't want children is because I'm scared that I'll be mean to them,

But abuse? Well, I think there's something to be said for denial. I just can't go there.
While a part of me felt validated by what my cousin was saying to me (cause how much guilt do you think I'm carrying, when there's a tiny buried part of me that just admitted that my Mom dying might have been beneficial?) but for the most part, I don't know that it wouldn't be better for me to forget the whole conversation. She's gone. Don't speak ill of the dead. If I have issues, I'll just go to therapy and then quit when I have to talk about the past too much.

I feel like I've lived my life backwards. I started out as a grown up and I'm becoming more and more child-like the older I get. I'm trying to make up for lost time?

Introspection sucks.