Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Disney Princesses and the Meaning of Life. Sort of.

Faithful subjects of the Princess,

The role of Your Princess will be shabbily substituted by me, Faiqa from Native-Born.

I’m something of a lurker on this blog, so regular readers are wondering... what is a

A Faiqa is an awesome pregnant woman who lives in Florida and blew the chance to meet our lovely princess because I was busy lounging on a beach near Tampa Bay.

Wait. Is that really your name?

It really is. It's pronounced Fie-Kah. Say it with me, Fie. Kah.

But, I digress.

Without further ado, fellow royal subjects, I present to you... a guest post. By Faiqa.

Really? That's really your name?

Shut. Up. We've covered this, haven't we?

When the Princess is at Disney and you’ve had to watch Sleeping Beauty 252,789 times in the past week, you, too, will arrive at the inevitable conclusion that you must do your guest post on Disney Princesses.

Get it? Disney?
Princess? See. Inevitable.

And bear in mind that as our dear princess wanders aimlessly through the concrete desert of the Magic Kingdom paying $16.00 for three sips of water and a french fry, that she, too, is at this moment, a Disney Princess.

Because with Disney?

Resistance is futile.


Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Being a Princess I Learned From Disney

  • Princesses should wise up and understand that their stepmothers might actually be nice if maybe you complimented them once in a while, or at the very least, noticed that they were upset. Or, sheesh, you could just ask. (Snow White)
  • Princesses should not accept gifts from strangers. Especially if the gifts are apples. Everyone knows that the only gift you’re supposed to accept from strangers are diamonds. Or European cars. (Snow White)
  • Princes like girls who play hard to get. (All)
  • A princess could get a job to buy a dress, but, really, she should cry until a fairy just gives her one. With shoes. And a car. (Cinderella)
  • No matter how much you can't stand that witch, just invite her to the party. Better to grin and bear her crap for a couple of hours than have to endure her shenanigans for the next thousand years. (Sleeping Beauty)
  • Being rich doesn’t mean you’re happy. And? Poor boys are easier to boss around than princes. (Jasmine)
  • A little bit of midriff will go a long way as far as getting your man in the Middle East. (Jasmine)
  • And I quote, "Being an adult equals work, in every sense of the word." (Princess of the Universe)
  • Whatever life you're leading, it's your life. Just live it. And own it. Happily. (Princess of the Universe)

So. As I see it, it's our very own Princess of the Universe, for the win!!

She is so much more... more than those other silly princesses who, granted, have the severe disadvantage of being imaginary. And of being created by a misogynist machine that condemns them to play out the sad little fantasies of repressed old men.

Cough. Anyway.

Our Princess?

Best. Disney. Princess. Ever.




That really is my name.

Oh. My. God.


Avitable said...

You misspelled your name. Everyone knows there's a "u" after the "q", Faiqua.


Faiqa said...

That made me laugh. You're soooo clever.

Chief Rock Chef said...

That was great! Having brought up 2 daughters I know all about Disney Princesses! Love the one about crying until someone gives you a dress, etc!

Funny - first time I saw a pic of Princess I thought I knew her. Now I know why!

Jen said...

Awesome! Just awesome!

Ali said...

LOL - loved it.

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...


She really is a true princess.

And? I still feel really bad about butchering your name on Karl's show (which you probably don't even remember)....and I added a "q". Gah!

sybil law said...

Faiqa makes an awfully cool princess, too. Or maybe she's more of a Queen. yes - Queen Faiqa sounds much, much better.
Nice summation of the princesses! I think Princess of the Universe definitely wins, too. Then again, when the Queen demands it, I guess I have to agree. :)

Becky said...

Awesome post Faiqa! I learned a lot about Disney princesses today. Its been along time since I've watched a princess movie. I may have to haul out all the old DVD's from my daughter's childhood and relive it :)

You make a fabulous Princess!!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Really? Fie-Kah?

And I've been calling you Shaniqua all this time... Crap.

delmer said...

I have the same trouble with "Delmer." I eventually end up saying, "It's like 'Elmer' but with a 'D' at the front."

Kal said...

I think actually inviting the demonic Maleficent to the party also carries risks! Ha.

Here is my take on Sleeping Beauty with lots o' pics of you are interested:


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