Backseats Aren't Just for Sex Anymore...

So who here has been in the backseat of a police car?
I have. Twice. Not in a punitive way mind you. In a giving a statement kind of way.

Bloody uncomfortable. They have these glass walls that come down between the front and back seat. I'm assuming with like bulletproof glass. Anyhow, they severely cut into your knee space. I suggest sitting cross-legged back there.

So the second time I was in that situation wasn't very interesting. I had just been hit (by "I" I mean my car, not "me") by a crazy driver who took off, but was kind enough to leave his front license plate behind. No need to call CSI really.

The first time I had to do the statement thing though was kind of shocking. Hence a moderately cool story that's semi blog-worthy.

I was about 18ish and getting a ride home from work. It was winter and pretty dark. Anyhow, we were pulling out of the parking lot, stopped to make the turn when suddenly my (passenger side) door is jerked open. By a guy. Covered. In. Blood.

He wanted us to give him a ride. Can't remember where. That might have to do with the shock of being inches away from him. You know? The Guy? Covered in blood?

Anyhow, my ride wasn't going to take him anywhere. But she did offer to go back into work (I worked at a horse race track) and call the police. He may or may not have indicated that he had been stabbed. Again. Guy. Blood. Shock. Hazy.

So we called the police and they arrive fairly quickly. But by then the guy was gone. I felt all cool giving the police my statement thinking that I would of course be kept in the loop of what happened. Was he a murdered? Was he the victim? Was he a hero? I need to know!

Yeah, I'm still waiting for the police to call me. I'm sure it's on their To Do list.

It was briefly pretty exciting though. Definitely an interesting story to tell all my peeps.

So I wanna know, do you have any interesting police car/crime stories???

Proof that the Princess Can Cook Something Other Than a Tuna Melt

So my favourite food ever is my brother's lasagna. However he seems to actually like this girls he's been dating, so I rarely see him, so when I woke up with a craving for his lasagna this morning, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I've totally made the lasagna with him a zillion times, albeit in an assisting kind of way. I can absolutely do this, right?

So, you're getting a photo essay of my lasagna experience. Is this the most riveting post ever? No. But will it make you hungry? Maybe.

OK I need ingredients and stuff. Off to Safeway I go!
Hmm, there's a weather warning in effect. Wind? A wind warning? What are we in Kansas??
Not to be deterred from my mission, I carry on.
I round up all the ingredients and am on my way. I step outside and my lasagna pan blows away. Then my nylon bag blew away. You know those nylon bags? The ones that you use so you don't have to use plastic bags? The one that I totally forgot about until the cashier was already done bagging all my groceries? Yeah. That one. It blew away. I sighed and wrote it off, but a kind man ran after it for me and I frantically stuffed it back in my trunk underneath some heavier groceries.

Time: 2:20 PM

Ok, what first? Cheese. Cheese needs to be grated. Why do I know this? Cause usually - that's the only job that my brother assigns me. I'm going to have to wing it for the rest of the recipe. Oh and the recipe? Yeah, making it up as I go. In those bowls? One block each of cheddar and mozzarella. Not so much a healthy meal tonight.

OK. Now what? Ok, onions and mushrooms and peppers need to be sautéed. And right here is where I'm already deviating from my brother's recipe. You see my brother would have just bought a can of mushrooms and dumped it into the sauce. That's a travesty in my mind. So I decided to add a few extra veggies by adding these to the mix. And by the way? Why hasn't anyone ever told me about Pam before?? You can totally cook without without all that extra oil! Awesome. (See, I tried to redeem myself from all the cheese!)

Ok, lasagna has like meat and stuff in it, right? Ok. Let's do that...
And guess what I had to add to the meat?? Italian spices. From Italy! My parents totally knew I would do this someday when they brought that back for me. (Uhh, and for all the other kids - but whatever, I'm the baby so I'm the most important right?)

So where are we? Meat? Check. Cheese? Check. Mushrooms, onions, peppers? Check. Noodles boiled? Check. Sauce simmered? Check. Ooooh- now for the fun part. The assembly.

3:00 PM

Uhh, so I sort of remember what order this is supposed to go in.

My only panic is about the cottage cheese. It gets it's own layer at some point. I decide to put it in layer 2 just to get it over with.

After that it goes pretty smoothly. Noodles. Sauce. Mush/onion/pep. Ground beef. Cheese. Repeat.

And then?? Oh crap. How long do I cook this? At what temperature?
Just a note: 425 for 75 minutes? Either too hot or too long. Possibly both.

Now before you think all my work was a dismal failure, it totally was not. But I refuse to post a photo of the final thing in the pan, cause it looks too crispy. But here is a slice.

I even remembered to let it stand for a bit before cutting into it so it wasn't lasagna soup.

Dinner time: 5:00

How would I rate this experience? I would give it a 7/10. A bit over cooked. And a bit liquidy on the bottom of the pan. Other than that? Delish.

xo

People REALLY Like Sara Lee

It's time for another episode of: random searches that led to this blog!

1. "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee"! Mmmm Sara. She's the one who introduced me to cherry cheesecake....and I never looked back.
2. "Blogger Winnipeg." Clearly someone looking to make new friends. Hi! Do you like shoes and chocolate? We can be Bff's!
3. "Little Slices of Death." Someone who either watches Freddy movies, or enjoys Shakespeare like me. You can be my BFF too.
4. "jensen ackles, spanking" While I agree that I'm not really looking for an intellectual and/or spiritual relationship with Jensen, I don't know that I ever got that specific about it.
5. "princess suicide blogspot" Odd. I don't even have anything witty to say about this one. Suggestions welcome.
6. "detective spy rubber duck"Ok, I don't get this at all- but I LOVE that this query led to my blog.
7. Two more Sara Lee requests in a row. Hmm, I guess she's more popular than I thought. I admit I don't think I've touched her cherry cheesecake since high school.
8. "first appearance of the coset" So I dutifully went to dictionary.com to see if "coset" was really a word, and if I should make fun of this person for their typo. It turns out that it is, but it has to do with Math, so I quit caring.
9. 2 more specific searches for "nobody doesn't like sara lee." Seriously. What are they looking for??
10. "how to make male feel like a woman" My question is: are you looking to make your man more sensitive, or more smooth and silky? Or something else??

I love the internetz.

xo

Random Smatterings 12 or So....

Nothing really big to report right now, so I thought I would just give you a few little tidbits to remind you that I'm here and I luvs you all!

- I'm beginning to like taking the bus to work everyday. I keep thinking there's an entire post that should be devoted to it, but I must confess, nothing really noteworthy has happened. I do like the lack of responsibility that the bus gives me. I don't need to worry about traffic. I don't need to keep my eyes on the road. When leaving work each day, I get on at the first stop on the route, so I'm guaranteed a spot. I didn't expect to enjoy it this much.

- I am obsessed with Pink's "So What" song. Seriously- I probably listen to it 10 - 20 times per day. Cause Really? I'm a rock star. If I could figure out how to do a video post, I would totally show off my rock movez (yo.)





- I discovered a new game on Facebook called "Who's Got the Biggest Brain?" So far I'm at genius levels. Pretty cool huh? Except that's just the tip of the iceberg. My darling Goth? Yeah- he's a "Space Ace." Apparently that's smarter. So I need all of you to befriend me on Facebook and start playing. I totally want to see how smart I am in comparison!!

- I've been thinking about throwing a party. I feel like I've become kind of hermit-like of late. Except I would have to do it soon- I have a friend who is WAY pregnant. What kind of theme would I do this year? I mean it's going to hard to top last year's "Lamest Party Ever" theme.

- I had to scrape ice off my car the other morning. Boo.
- I bought jeans and a string of pearl beads this weekend. Happiness.

OK- so my questions to you, my darlings:

1. Do you ride the bus to work? Do you enjoy it?
2. Who wants to be my Facebook friend so I can totally kick a** on my latest nerdy game obsession?
3. What should my next party theme be?

xo

I'm So Hawt

So married men seem to love me.

I've noticed this in the past with my friends' boyfriends and husbands. They seem to be on a constant quest to tell me what a fabulous girl I am. Well duh. But really? Where is this coming from?

Now before My Dear Anon gets all up in arms that I'm writing yet another "poor me I'm so single" post, that's totally NOT my point.

That was more of an intro to some kind of odd things that happened to me this past weekend. (I'm all about the essay-format people - you have to write a proper introduction).

Situation # 1:
I had to volunteer at my University all weekend cause there were 2 convocations and I suck at scheduling volunteers. Ergo: I had to do most of the work. Anyhow, one of the men who works in the Alumni Office was totally telling me all weekend how amazing I am (yesIamthankyouverymuch) and went out of his way (like waaaaayyy out of his way) to bring me a slurpee on Sunday.

Now before I get the "Princess that's like NOthing" speech - believe me - I thought so too. But when I leave early and he tells me how "I'll be thinking about you, I hope you'll be doing the same" well that raises a few flags. Weird. Dude- you're like married or dating or something...involved somehow, cause you also mentioned how devoted you are to whomever you were on the phone with all weekend...

You'll be thinking what about me exactly??

(FYI- he's a total sweetheart and I don't have anything bad to say about him- but still....)

Situation #2:
Distinguished Alumni Award Reception Saturday night. (Where I looked totally adorable, but wore my beautiful yet evil Skecher's boots - I could barely concentrate on any of the speeches or people or outfits or anything. All I could do was try not to cry from the pain. Ahh the sacrifices we make for fashion. Stupid.) Anyhow, in between holding back tears, this other volunteer from the Alumni Association kept me entertained all evening. First he offered to buy me a drink, then insisted when I initially said no. Then was I was leaving he requested that I text him football scores because he was staying for the dinner.

So when I got home I dutifully spent 10 minutes trying to find the sports channels on my TV and texted him the (incorrect as it turns out) score. It seems this gentleman bailed on the dinner and had made it home to the game before I ever sent my text.

This resulted in about 2 hours of texting back and forth. I have to admit, he is hilarious and adorable. But isn't it a bit odd to be texting a girl you barely know all night when you're all married up? I mean wouldn't the wife question that a wee bit? And before you ask- I kept it totally G-rated, as did he. So it's nothing like that.

So my point/question is- do men just like flirting with younger women simply to validate their egos? Is it just assumed that since they're married/involved that I won't read into it - cause why should I? But really- what's to prevent me from going all Fatal Attraction on them?

BTW? I'm totally not going to. I'm far too lazy ever be a stalker. I mean I'm the one who should be worshiped and adored right? Why would I waste my time on married men? Ugh - such a turn-off.

But am I wrong here? Is that not just a wee bit weird/inappropriate? Or am I just so immersed in the single-life that I'm being too harsh on some innocent flirtation amongst the other half?*

Men? Feedback?
Wives? your thoughts?

*I.e. married folks.

xo

I am SOO Popular - It's the Way it Should Be

Guess what?! I got an award!
My darling Libra Girl gave me this superfabulouslywonderful blog award!!
I love her blog too!

There are rules and stuff that come along with an honour of this stature:

1) Add the logo of the award to your blog (done!)
2) Add a link to the person who awarded it to you (done!)
3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs (OK)
4) Add links to those blogs on your blog (Will do)

So who else gets this award?
OK, here goes:

1. Glamour Puss at The Pole Affair
2. Jen at Tales From a Texaconsin Diva
3. Hilly at Snackie's World.
4. Miss Britt

And to prove that I have boy crushes too:
5. AMC at All Mod Cons on Video
6. Dave at Blogography
7. Karl at Secondhand Tryptophan

AND guess what else?! I got tagged for a meme by the darling Bon Don over at Who Throws a Cupcake?

More Rulz (yo):
Here are the Rules:
1.Link to the person that tagged you
2.Post the rules on your blog
3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6.Let your tagger know when your entry is UP.


Randomosity:

1. Hmmm have I ever mentioned my love of all things gift wrap/bows/ribbons etc? Yes? Well, I thought I would mention it again anyhow- it really is a sickness.

2. I hate putting on lipstick/lipgloss unless my teeth are brushed. I feel like it's emphasizing an area that isn't perfection. (Cause the rest of me is of course)

3. I don't chew gum. Unless I'm on a plane. I don't know if it really helps the ear popping thing or not, but I convince myself it does.

4. I have to sleep with a fan on. I think the reason why I can't sleep well anywhere but at home is because I don't have the white noise anywhere else.

5. Given the choice between marrying a local guy who loves me 100% and a guy with an accent who loves me 75% - I think I would have a hard time deciding. Especially if it's an English accent...

6. I'm a chocoholic- but only for crap chocolate. The higher quality it is, the less I enjoy it. I frequently eat chocolate chips out of the bag.

Who am I tagging?? All of those people that I gave the award to above!

Kisses!

I'm too Lazy to Link Everything in this Post...

I've always considered myself the "smart" one. The "responsible" one. The "reliable" one. Sometimes even the "considerate" one.

Yeah.
As of late, I've been reconsidering that.

I mean why couldn't I be the "cute" one or the "fun" one?
I have lots of people tell me how much I make them laugh - so why couldn't I also be the "funny" one too?

But that's not the way I've been leaning. Lately? It's more like I'm the "how-do-I-get-through-life-being-this-flaky??" one.

Exhibit A: My computer chair. Pretty basic - there's a screw/knobby thing on the bottom. Turn that and voila! Chair. Unless you're me- who has it sitting upside down in my living room for weeks until my father comes and puts it together. Like the bookshelf that time last year. Like my washing machine a few months ago. Like my ...well...you get the idea.
(Please note, this is not laziness - I made many attempts to put these things together/fix them, and came to the conclusion that I'm simply incapable).

Exhibit B: My car. I needed a boy friend to teach my how to pump gas. When I was 23. Until then I only ever went to full service stations. Even now, I can't do anything more complicated than put air in my tires. Even the car wash stresses me out. Lord knows I don't know how to check the oil or change a tire.

Perhaps you're thinking this is because I'm a girl?? Nope, I can crash and burn on both unisex and typically girly things too. And really? Most women I know are more than capable of doing the things listed above.

Exhibit C: Coffee. Just this morning the office assistant showed me how to make coffee. This is not the first time I've needed someone to teach me how to do this. I don't drink it, therefore it's dead to me. Until I get told that if I schedule a meeting, I'm the one that should be providing coffee. Crap.

Exhibit D: Voting. You may have heard that Canada just had an election. My person was kind enough to explain to me the other day what the difference is between a majority and a minority government. Now that I've learned that basic sixth grade information, I can't quite work out why we (the people) would ever want a majority government - but that's a post for another day.

Exhibit E: Local news. Ok, so I did know that there was an election - but really it was hard to miss what with all the phone polls and lawn signs. But I couldn't figure out yesterday why people kept commenting on the newspaper. They were going to save money on that ad they ran. Do we have to pay for the paper? Huh? So apparently one of Winnipeg's major dailies is on strike. Like I care about the news.

Le sigh. How do people keep up with EVERYthing? Making coffee? Politics? Cars?

I used to think I was a relatively intelligent person, but occasionally I wonder if my vast knowledge about Shakespeare, Jane Austen and accessories really counts for that much.
Seriously people - do you just keep me around as flaky comic relief?

Are there classes on just getting through life that I could take??

xo

Vapourz

So I agreed to have my family come over for Thanksgiving. I complained about it to everyone I knew. I freaked out that my place wasn't going to be clean enough. I worried that the children would be bored. I agonized over the fact that 890 square feet was not enough to fit 14 people - even if 4 of those people were little ones.

But at the same time I was happy. Happy that my family was going to see my place. Happy for the opportunity to be domestic. Happy to prove myself.

My brother and I had a fight two weeks before the event. I had asked him to help me pick up the table ahead of time and he said no. He told me that it wasn't too late to change my mind (isn't that a line used on brides-to-be, not someone hosting a family dinner?)

He made me doubt myself. He made me feel like I was stupid to suggest that this be at my condo. Stupid to think that this was a good idea. It made me wonder if my family wasn't just humouring me. Then when I remembered that no one told me that I didn't have to offer my place, it made me wonder if I wasn't doing this too late. Like my family hadn't already written me off as selfish - and that it was about bloody time that I stepped up to the plate and offered this.

My step-mom told me about how she had to consult with a friend to find out how to transport the chicken (we don't do turkey) to my place safely. My father offered to bring more cutlery. I discovered that the plates didn't match. The china set that I inherited from my mother only had 6 settings.

Then the day arrived. My step mom asked me to have the oven on at 200 for when she arrived. My step sister called and asked how big my oven was- regular or apartment sized. I had no idea how to answer. It looked the same size as every other oven I'd ever seen, but I'd never measured. My moment of panic passed after she hung up and I realized that I did in fact grow up in a house and it was the same sized oven as my parents have. Silly.

I didn't know what to do about all the oven requests. What about what I have to make? What about the harvest rice? What about my apple crisp? When do I make those? In the morning? They'll be cold by dinner time! People are supposed to come anytime after 3:00! What do I do?!

So at about 1:00 I started on the rice. Beautiful wild and brown rice presented in an
acorn squash. Very fall-like. I felt myself calming down as I was making it. Something about the vapors and the chopping. Very soothing and therapeutic. I love baking. But there's something about cooking that's even more comforting. Less pretentious. (Says the girl who eats a tuna sandwich for dinner every night).

By the time I started slicing and peeling the apples I was content. Everything was going smoothly and really? It was just my family. My step-mom lived with me. Odds are, she wasn't going tobtoher showing up with a white glove checking for dust. She knows my housekeeping skillz (yo) and anything I did to my condo would have to be an improvement over my habits from my University days.

So apparently "anytime after 3:00" means 4:45. Well, it was after 3:00. So I had lots of down time. I was 3/4 of the way through a movie by the time everyone arrived. I was almost too well prepared.

And then everything is a blur. My step-sister forgot to bring extra chairs, so the kidlets had to sit on the couch & floor to eat. I think it worked out better. And my brother-in-law, who rarely talks to me started chatting with me. Hmm. It only took 15 years for us to become friends. Nice.

And the finale? The best thing that came out of all of it?
My brother leaving me a message the next day saying that he was sorry that he misjudged me, and that the whole thing was fantastic. I almost cried.

I just hope that I never have to host Christmas. Cause seriously? I can't handle that kind of stress.

xo

The One Where I Talk About Children

Darlings, forgive my negligence of late. I am feeling rather low and uninspired. I certainly don't want to turn this into the "depression blog" as I've seen some of those and after a while they bring you down to the point that you just don't want to read them anymore. But lately I've been feeling sad and rather than bring all of you lovelies down with me, I took a little hiatus.

Anyhow, I DO need to share with you my Thanksgiving festivities from yesterday. It may spread into a few posts, as I think I received ample inspiration from that one event.

Today's post will be slanted toward children.

Now I don't know if I've ever discussed my thoughts on children. I have a couple of nieces and nephews and I love them dearly. I don't know that I want any of my own. I am convinced that I would be a mean/overly strict parent. I find children nowadays kind of appalling in that they don't receive adequate discipline because parents seem afraid to do so. Perhaps the maternal instinct will come to me late, but for now I am content to adore and spoil the little ones in my family, and then give them back at the end of the night.

Aside from freaking out about food and space and cleaning, I was concerned that the little ones would be bored and cramped. So I actually put some time and thought into what they would be doing while they were here.

I dedicated a room to them. I pulled out my old barbies, brought down my dollhouse and furniture and put out on display my precious tiara and fairy wand. OK, the girls were covered.

Uh huh. There are two seven year old boys that I need to worry about now. What do I do about them? I don't know how to work boys. (On sooo many levels, but that's not the point of this post is it?)

Ok, what can I do for them? Oooh, I have some art supplies. That should work. I loved to draw when I was little. K offered me her mini DVD players, and then was an absolute saint when she thought to bring me some kids movies too. (I didn't think to ask for those- I realized belatedly that all I had that might be kid appropriate was "Hairspray" and some "Animaniacs" cartoons. And the Animaniacs are questionable when it comes to "appropriate".)

Ok, we're set. The kids have a room to themselves. They can even play on my computer if they want. They all have Webkinz. This should be enough to amuse them for a few hours, right?

I looked around the room in satisfaction. It was fantastic. No adult ever took care of me like that before. The kids would never have to leave the room! They would eat, and play and everything would be fantastic. I mean, they wouldn't go into other rooms right? There's nothing fun in the kitchen or the bathroom or my bedroom or anything.

So, yeah. That "special box" that I keep beside my bed? The one that's completely innocuous? The children wouldn't look in there right? I mean I don't need to hide that or anything do I?

I remembered when I was 21 and my parents went away. I had a bunch of friends stay over, and my boyfriend and I stayed in their room. Yes, we had sex. But there was no reason to check around the bed. I saw him dispose of the condom and the wrapper. And then the parents came home. And found the second condom and wrapper behind the bed. Le sigh.

Uh huh. Just in case maybe that can go up into the closet. On the top shelf. Behind some books.

So the children arrive. (Oh yeah, and the adults too). The girls are 4 and 9. The boys are both 7. J, the 9 year old immediately starts snooping. "J, there's nothing for you in there. " "J?" Ok, go ahead and tear apart that chest withmypreciousgiftwraptagsandcards...no problem. Oh yeah, go through all my jewellery too. My linen closet? Go ahead- that's super fun for kids.

It was hilarious. I would like to think that I would never have snooped through a grown up's things like that, but I do remember finding my parents' room fascinating. So I guess my place had the same novelty. I have to admit, I was pretty surprised though. The kids were EVERYwhere. Who knew that my bathtub was a fun place to hang out in. Good thing I clean all over...

The only casualty was a figurine that I was silly enough to leave out. I can't even blame the kids for not telling me that they broke the head off. I mean who wants to risk getting in trouble, right? Easily fixed with crazy glue.

I am super happy that I moved that box though. Who needs to find my erotica and battery operated boyfriend? And I have to confess, my concern about that? Not so much about the kids seeing it- but the possibility that it might result in my Dad finding out about it. I don't need that round of therapy.

Anyways, the kids seemed to have fun in the end, and that's all that mattered.

Next episode: the food, seating and dishes...

What's Been Going On

Wow, I don't think I've ever gone a week without posting before! How did that happen???

I tend to avoid just doing regurgitations of everything that I've been doing- most of the time I just kind of slip it into the midst of whatever I'm ranting about. However, in this case maybe a little catch up might be enjoyed?

1. I ignored both the VP debate and the Canadian election debate on TV last week and watched Supernatural instead. Sorry, Stephen Harper, you just doesn't come even remotely close to the beauty that is Jensen Ackles.

2. My darling K dropped off some books to me a couple of weeks ago. She insisted that I should read this book "Twilight." I'm sorry isn't that the book-turned-into-a-movie that bumped the Harry Potter opening from November to July or something? I'm sorry, I'm mad at that book! So anyhow, I started reading on Friday night, finished the first two books by Saturday night. On Sunday I picked up the next 2 books, and I finished them last night. Uh yeah. Harry who?
(As an aside, to anyone who's read them- are you on team Edward or team Jacob??)

3. So I got more TV. I didn't have enough you see, so now I have time shift and all the movie channels I could ever dream of. And yet I still couldn't manage to watch both "Private Practice" and "Criminal Minds" last Wednesday. Somehow the time shifting didn't work. I'll have to sort that out for tonight somehow. (If anyone can tell me what happened on the premiere of PP, I would appreciate it).

4. I took a break from reading to hang out with my 9 year old niece for a couple of hours on Saturday. I'm sorry when did 9 become teenage? Did I use that much slang etc when I was that age? Did I care about shopping that much? And who are the Jonas Brothers???

5. I haven't bought any shoes this week.

6. I'm freaking out about Thanksgiving this weekend. I think I'll do a photo post of the process after it's all over. Ugh, including all the cleaning that I have to do.

7. I haven't talked to my Dear Anon in a while. Have you checked out her new blog? It's fab!!

8. I got Iron Man from Columbia House in the mail on Friday. It made me happy. I really like the Tony Stark character. I got used to Batman who's all broody and tormented. Tony is just...fun!

9. I had a weird email conversation thing with yet another internet dating boy. He made it quite clear he's only interested in one thing. *Le Sigh* Why do men put themselves into the "Relationship" category when really they're only interested in the "Booty Call" category? Don't waste my time buddy.

10. I'm over my unrequited blog crush. who wants to be the next object of my affections??

xo

The One Where I Talk About Shoes

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