Friday, August 21, 2009

Who was on Mars and Who was on Venus Again?

So here's the deal-io with the post below. (No I'm not linking, it's right down there...)
The questions stems from my indecisiveness on how to deal with some of the men in my life.

Back in high school there was this guy who is now, in my mind, the incarnation of all that is evil. He liked to play mind games with people, he liked to date my friends and treat them badly. He liked to manipulate people and see what he could get them to do.

BUT. He said that he wouldn't do that crap to me because I don't play games with people and I'm kind of above that sort of thing. At the time I was mildly flattered, but mostly thought it was a load of crap. Now as I type this, I realize that he liked me and that telling me that was most likely his was of being manipulative. Clever bastard.

Anyhow. Before I had that earth-shattering epiphany I was going to say, that I always kinda thought I was just a bit too clueless to play games. I could never do the coy coquettish thing, so I went for blunt and honest. That in and of itself is pretty surprising to most people, because EVERYone plays games. I could prove how even YOU play games - but it's not the point of this post.

The point is, I kind of took what evil-boy said to heart, and I pride myself on being a non-game-playa.

But I'm also an over-analyzer of people. (Hey, I am a girl yo.) And when it comes to men, I genuinely do think they're from Venus. Or Mars. Or wherever it is that they're supposed to hang.

So I tend to not do things that I might be inclined to do because of the male-female dynamic. Now I know that there are some people out there who have very successfully had opposite sex friendships. Britt and Adam. Hilly and Dave2.

But with me? More often I end up with situations like in this post. And to be honest, in my mind I kind of view all friendships with men to have an expiry date. Either a) you start having sex and it becomes awkward b) one person develops feelings for the other and it becomes awkward c) one person starts dating someone else and it becomes awkward. Either way? It's all just awkward.

I don't know how other people manage it - because this is the story of my life with ALL of my male friends. And then situations like this make me question my role and importance in their life.

D2 and I were very good friends, but every time he had a girlfriend I would go months and months without hearing from him. And even worse- when we did get together - he would lie about it to her. He didn't understand that by lying, and never introducing me it made something innocent into something dirty. It got to the point where I felt like trying to seduce him just on principle.

And I always got the feeling from him when I would ask about the girls (ya know, like their name), or resent the fact that I was ignored for months on end that he thought that I wanted him, or that I was jealous. So then I would go out of my way to tell him that I didn't, which then sounded overly defensive and almost insulting to his delicate little male ego.

So the question below? Resulted from me deleting an email that I was about to send charming lawyer suggesting that we get together for lunch or something sometime before our next committee meeting in October. Deleted for fear that he would think that I was flirting with him.

Because men? Have egos. And they either are delicate, or WAY over-developed. So I neither wanted to have to defiantly clarify my non-interest; nor did I want him to smugly assume that I was all doe-eyed at the thought of him.

So I deleted the email. It all just seemed too complicated.

I bet you're going to tell me it's all in my head, right?


Amber said...

No. Retard.

I was going to say WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND THE EMAIL!?!?

Of course guys have delicate egos and always think a girl is into them. It's kinda why we giggle at them when they get all stupid around you because, hi, the world doesn't REALLY revolve around them.

(Unless you're eight weeks away from getting married, and then it kinda does. And no, I never thought I'd be *that* girl, either - please don't lose respect for me! He's suffering from the same weird affliction, except for me so it balances out lol).


My Super Awesome Canadian Cousin Princess... I kinda got the vibe that you maybe liked Lawyer Boy a little bit... as in a "hey - I'm starting to think about you nekkid" kind of way.

BUT. Even if you don't and it's totally in MY head... why not make a new friend?

You deserve happiness and friendship and love -- in all of it's various forms. And if someone wants to make something all about them, then clearly they are STUPID because as a Princess? It's always all about us. DUH.

So you really wouldn't want to be friends with them in the end anyway...


Does any of this make sense? It is late and I am tired and Noel just left the house and my head is still spinning from his goodbye kiss... so forgive me.

And feel flattered that the first thing I did was leave this lame-o comment on your blog... =)

Love ya!


MonsteRawr said...

'Fraid I'm not much help on the matter. I, too, tend to be blunt and matter-of-fact, thus, I assume that everyone else is too. Thus, I take everything everyone says at face value. And the awkward ensues...

Lynda said...

I have several male friends, mostly online. A few of them I have flirted with a bit, but they weren't seeing anyone. I made it clear if they were, the flirting and innuendo had to stop.

I have a married friend who when he comes on a little to strong, I say something about his wife. :)

I think you can be friends with men, but if they are going to get into relationships with other women, then they need to be completely honest with that woman. "I have female friends." And honestly, if it bothers the woman, they need to mature and trust their guy.

I don't know why the guys try to hide your friendship. Maybe they have more feelings for you than they want to admit.

Nat said...

I'm afraid I'm not help on this. I have male friends but we're both in other relationships and it's always been that way.

I think friendships are hard work most of time, it has to be clear from the get-go that "nothing is going to happen." But sometimes it does... ack.

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