Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Diary Excerpt From a 17 year Old After She Gives It Up

July 26, 1992

Hi, I had another turning point today. Dave and I finally did have sex (To use the term "finally" loosely- he began the pressure in the first few days of the relationship) . It was way different than I expected. For one thing, I expected a lot more pain than I got (There was still plenty of it, and blood though). In the beginning there was some and I almost changed my mind again but I kept going.

It was rather awkward because he said he wanted me on top so I could decide how deep to go and when to stop (Geez- details I have NO memory of). Then when we got that initial part over with we switched. I kind of felt like I was doing nothing. It seems like he was doing all the work (See even then I wanted give it my all - damn I'm awesome!).

Oh well (Hmm, I got over that pretty quickly didn't I?), anyways after a while there was not pain at all, but it wasn't really what I expected. I was concentrating so much on what was happening that I couldn't enjoy it as much as I should have (though I did enjoy it). (A miracle - cause really - hands up- who enjoyed their first time, honestly??)

I can see now why people can do this so often and for so long ("So long"? Hmm, he must have been better than I remembered). I still feel somewhat like a virgin though because of the condom (Good Lord, even back then I was trying to say that certain experiences "didn't count" Sorry Princess- you've been officially de-flowered). Maybe I should go on the pill so we don't have to use it. (Thank God I waited a couple of years before I discovered the crazy-making joys of the pill) I'll feel much better when it's not on. That way I'll have the full experience. I don't know, but it seems like it would be more enjoyable without it on, for both of us (Well yes- but stupid for talking that way since he had gotten his girlfriend before me pregnant).

I feel like I should feel like a different person, but I don't. It happened. I'm glad it did, but I knew that it would happen someone time soon (since he threatened to break-up with you if you didn't have sex with him soon? You're a genius.) so nothing has really changed.

13 comments:

WendyB said...

He got the GF before you pregnant?! Yikes!

Anonymous said...

wow I got more details about your first time reading this post then I did when we were in high school.
I remember you being kinda whatever over it. LOL
He made you start on top??? Hes still a jerk...
Nick

Glamourpuss said...

I have to say, he sounds a bit of a dickhead. But the first time? Well, I did enjoy it, but I did still feel nervous and self-conscious.

Puss

Shana-Marie said...

I love the commentary!

I was drunk with a rather unendowed fella for my first time, so it was something less than I expected too...

James said...

I am impressed that you were so self-posessed at 17, writing about it like that.
Us guys generally are jerks at that age. I was too. My mind won't even let me think about what sort of spotty Herbert my daughter might bring home in a few years...

Chief Rock Chef said...

We already have the baseball bat by the front door and my wife has rehearsed a little "chat" that she intends to have with potential boyfriends...

Scarlet Hip said...

Not exactly how it happens in the movies, huh.

Nance said...

your post label cracked me up!!!

Dee said...

Baby...first times are not meant to be written about unless you make up glorious stories and lie like hell! Geez...the only time a 3 minute man is a good thing!! ~~Dee

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Ok so now I am going to have to go under my bed and dig out mine...

Thanks for the share!

Psychgrad said...

I usually end up feeling pretty grossed out after reading my thinking at 15/16/17.

AmyD said...

You were brave enough to keep a diary? Dear God, between nosy parents and the stepmother from HELL, I would have chopped off my arm before I kept a diary!

Princess Pointful said...

This brought back memories. I remember how I expected to be such a profoundly different person afterwards... and how boring the first time was!

 
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